Delaney Mes: How do you complain about bad service?

The level of service has a huge impact on your dining experience. Photo / 123RF

As a nation, we're eating out more than we have before. New eateries pop up all the time, and as a result, the way we behave as diners, and the state of the service we receive, is more in the spotlight than ever. People can take to their smart phones with a review instantly, but surely the best option is still to take the mature face-to-face approach. It can be a touchy subject though, and a bit of a minefield.

The relationship between diner and wait staff is a fickle one.

At best, you'll leave feeling like you were treated like royalty, with your waiter or waitress left with the feeling they're excellent at their job, and that feeling of satisfaction that you've made someone's night (supported by great food from the kitchen, of course).

At worst, everyone's day or night is ruined. There's that Maya Angelou quote which rings true: people will forget what you said, and what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

As wait staff, it's important that you're supported by good chefs, a great product, good systems, and great leadership.

One or more of these elements is often missing, which can make it hard to do your job.

I was a waitress for a long time, and I loved it. I was taught to show up early, get your game face on, and have a good time. We worked hard, but we delivered great service and great food. We were able to navigate people through the menu without confusing people, or worse, without making them feel stupid. And above all, we were told to make the customer leave happy. Unless they're a truly horrible and unreasonable person, in which case we let them leave and were relieved to never see them again.

With years of waitressing experience, I am big on service. Great service can turn an okay meal into a great one.

The opposite happened to me though, recently.

I was out for a special occasion lunch with my family, and we were treated with something close to contempt by our waitress. She had an air about her - something between disdain and arrogance.

She went from snarkily (yet bafflingly incorrectly) attempting to correct me about a wine region, to encouraging us to over-order, to telling us one thing about the menu, to completely contradicting herself once we actually ordered. Lucky for us the food was beautiful, but it made for an awkward outing, and we were left with a bitter taste in our mouths.

So how do we complain? Famed British food writer Giles Coren notes in is book How to Eat Out that it must be done "nicely, politely, apologetically. But firmly, and at the very moment of disappointment."

He likens dining out to shopping: you are simply commenting on the wares, not offending the staff personally, and so it should be a simple matter of alerting the wait staff clearly and concisely, and them promptly doing everything they can to correct things. Timing is important, Coren notes, and you must raise the issue immediately. You can't do much about hard poached eggs once your eggs benedict has been completely devoured.

It's all very well to be clear to point out off-fish, or cold mashed potato, but it's a little more difficult when it comes to a snarky waiter with a bee in his bonnet and an attitude of superiority. Maybe some people just shouldn't be in hospitality, and maybe you'll just never go back.

Online review sites have changed the game too. Any mug with a smart phone can be a reviewer, and any pre-dinner research on any such sites must be taken with a grain of salt. I know whose opinions I personally trust when it comes to coffee, eggs, and where to go on a first-time dinner date. Restaurants are weary of it, though, and in a tight market with a fight for the hospitality dollar, they can vastly help or hinder business.

Ultimately, everyone wants to have a good time. Customers want to get bang for their buck, whether it's a take-away salad for lunch or a three-course dinner. You want friendly service regardless. And wait staff don't want to feel they've been treated like sub-par citizens when they go home from work either. Just because you're a bigwig in your day job, doesn't mean that air of superiority needs to continue when you're a diner.

We're all just people at the end of the day, and it should matter if you're a food critic, a regular, or an anonymous diner. Remember another important anonymous quote: a person who is nice to you but not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person. A bit of give on both sides of the menu, and we should all be able to go home happy.

- nzherald.co.nz