NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Death should hold no fear, says dying doctor

NZ Herald
31 Jan, 2014 04:30 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Terminally ill Dr Stephen Wealthall believes we should see the simple, everyday pleasures in life. Photo / Dean Purcell

Terminally ill Dr Stephen Wealthall believes we should see the simple, everyday pleasures in life. Photo / Dean Purcell

Families less conditioned to visible mortality these days, cancer patient believes

When his time comes, Stephen Wealthall would like to be at his Greenhithe home feeding the ducks and chickens or simply watching the stands of trees on his property swaying in the breeze.

The paediatrician and educationist visited a radiographer about 10 weeks ago and learned he had cancer.

His illness can be palliated but it is terminal. Yet Dr Wealthall has no fear of dying.

In a column he wrote in the Herald this week, he said there was no point in his raging against the inevitable.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"Naturally my wife Faye and I were sad, but we were sad we wouldn't be spending more time together rather than the sadness of me dying," said the 69-year-old originally from Yorkshire.

Dr Wealthall is neither courting death nor seeking nor wanting it to happen, but can't see how being angry about it would help him.

He credits much of his no-fear approach to death to his upbringing in Yorkshire and around his paternal grandparents, who spoke openly about dying.

Anne Morgan, a palliative care nurse for more than 30 years and a practice adviser for Hospice New Zealand, said adults were conditioned to be afraid of dying, which was really a fear of the unknown.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"It's an internal fear we have created. There is that fear of the unknown, but we have that in everyday life, like when you go off for a job interview.

"People ask, 'Will my death be comfortable? Will there be somebody there with me? How will I say goodbye?' But those are things we can alleviate."

She said frank discussions about death were needed with family and friends so those dying were able to get the best out of the time they had left.

Almost all people she has dealt with who are facing death, including children, eventually find peace with the inevitable.

Discover more

Opinion

Stephen Wealthall: Let's talk openly about death

26 Jan 04:30 PM
Lifestyle

Why to avoid sleeping pills

27 Jan 10:00 PM
Opinion

Rev Brian Brandon: Let's look on bright side and talk about heaven

30 Jan 08:30 PM
Lifestyle

Breast cancer breakthrough

30 Jan 04:30 PM

Ms Morgan said there was "absolutely nothing to be afraid of".

"We could learn a lot from children because they don't have the same hang-ups," she said.

"They know they are leaving mum and dad, they know they are not going to get better but almost without fail they describe a lovely place, you know, with rainbows and flowers and things."

Dr Wealthall said a cultural change where families had become smaller and grandparents were carted off to rest homes rather than living with their whanau meant people had become less conditioned to visible mortality. He estimated that until recently, about 70 to 80 per cent of the elderly died in hospitals rather than at home surrounded by family.

"That meant for a couple of generations, our younger generation didn't directly know about death - they didn't have the wisdom of their grandparents living in the house and eventually dying in the house," he said.

"If you didn't have personal experience of it and have only seen the celluloid constructions from Hollywood, you have no reality to base your own approach on."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

He now takes pleasure in the simple things and tries to find the good in everyday life, like watching a tui swimming in his dog's drinking bowl or admiring the efforts he and Faye have put into rejuvenating their block of land, which was once covered in gorse and blackberry.

"Faye and I have decided we are on holiday for as long as it lasts. And we will enjoy every day of the holiday until the time is up," he said.

Few regrets and none that matter

If Stephen Wealthall has a life regret it certainly isn't a bad one, but he reckons it's a bit silly.

He was in his 20s doing a student cadetship with the Royal Navy, and helped to research how astronauts could survive splashdown in their capsules.

"I took part in some of those cold-water experiments and one of the things they hung in front of us was, 'There's a chance you might get into the space programme.'

"I said perhaps if I had gone into the navy when I had the chance I might have ended up as the first British astronaut. I think again it's the acceptance of reality rather than the wishing for things that are not obtainable."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Dr Wealthall said there were things in personal relationships he could have done differently but there was nothing that he would say, "I would get rid of it all."

"Out of the bad times some good things have come."

Palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware's book Top Five Regrets of the Dying found the most common regret for men was working too hard.

5 most common regrets of the dying

1. Working too hard
2. Not living life true to yourself
3. Failing to have the courage to express feelings
4. Not staying in touch with friends
5. Not being happy

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

‘Listening to porn saved our sex life’

Premium
Lifestyle

Society Insider: Peter and Lucinda Burling’s glamorous new life in Italy; Rich list daughters enjoy Euro summer

Premium
Lifestyle

How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting


Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Premium
‘Listening to porn saved our sex life’
Lifestyle

‘Listening to porn saved our sex life’

Telegraph: How a couple turned intimacy struggles into an ethical porn business.

16 Jul 07:00 PM
Premium
Premium
Society Insider: Peter and Lucinda Burling’s glamorous new life in Italy; Rich list daughters enjoy Euro summer
Lifestyle

Society Insider: Peter and Lucinda Burling’s glamorous new life in Italy; Rich list daughters enjoy Euro summer

16 Jul 05:00 PM
Premium
Premium
How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting
Lifestyle

How an innocent search on social media drew me into the disturbing world of extreme dieting

16 Jul 06:00 AM


Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

01 Jul 04:58 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP