KEY POINTS:
"Bad spelling," announced Jane, out of the blue.
Um . . . okay.
"Or people with bad hygiene."
Right.
"Those are my deal breakers."
Ahh, I finally clicked. Deal breakers. The things you just cannot get over. Will not compromise on.
The topic had come up a few days beforehand, fleetingly. I
hadn't thought much of it but Jane, quite clearly, had.
By lunchtime on Sunday, she had worked out her deal breakers. Spelling and hygiene*.
"What if the guy was really hot but smelt bad?" asked David.
Pause.
"No, I still couldn't do it," she declared.
Which has got me thinking . . . what are my deal breakers?
At first, I didn't think I had any. Sure there are things I generally dislike in people but they might be acceptable in some individuals. It would depend on the person.
(For the record, gambling and World of Warcraft are high on my list of dislikes.)
But then I thought about my past relationships, and other people's past relationships, and realised that everyone has a deal breaker.
They may not be as defined as Jane's, but they exist.
Lack of ambition is a common one. Several couples I know have broken up over this. One party has a definite plan and knows what he or she wants to do in life, while the other is happy to cruise along and take it as it comes.
Kids are another. A family friend recently called off his engagement when he found out his fiance just didn't want children. Ever.
Smoking is a major one for my friend Dana. Her mother died of lung cancer and she, understandably, abhors people who smoke.
I still haven't been able to put a point on my deal breakers. Which may, or may not, be a good thing.
Is it better to know your deal breakers from day one, and thus avoid them where possible, or to find them out as you go along and face the heartache of a major break up down the track?
I suppose really, you have no choice. While bad spelling or smoking may be obvious from the outset, a lot of deal breakers only emerge after months in a relationship. Things you never knew about a person, or things you never realised would be an issue.
You can't protect against everything, any doctor will tell you that. But is it prudent to know your limits, your deal breakers, to protect against unnecessary heartache?
What do you think? What are your deal breakers?
*Since first writing this blog last week, Jane has revised her deal breakers. Apparently it's just too hard to find a man who can spell. Now her deal breakers are poor hygiene and cruelty to animals.