Prince Harry, left, and Prince William stand together on July 1, 2021. Photo / AP
OPINION:
Right now in Windsor, right under the Heathrow flight path and about 800m away from where William the Conqueror decided to build himself a castle, something highly unusual and awkward is playing out. For the first time in years, William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, are back living only metres apart from one another.
As of the time of writing, there have been no reports of fires breaking out, hurled Jo Malone candles or squawking voices yelling about healing - but then again, the week has only just begun.
In recent weeks, the Cambridges undertook something of a low-key relocation from their London digs, a four-storey apartment inside Kensington Palace, to the suburban wilds of Berkshire and a "modest" four-bedroom home, Adelaide Cottage. (They will have no live-in staff for the first time in nearly a decade. Thoughts and prayers!)
Meanwhile, over the weekend, the Sussexes jetted in (on a commercial flight no less) to Britain for their first meaningful post-Megxit trip entirely of their own choosing, and have taken up residence once again at Frogmore Cottage.
The actual distance between the two homes? About 115m.
But don't expect a single, solitary step to be taken, from either party, across the expanse of grass that separates them and in the other's direction, especially after a series of damning reports came out over the weekend about the Californian exiles.
Someone inside the royal tent has clearly been keeping tabs on their recent media hijinks and the Duke and Duchess have arrived back, not to be welcomed by a thoughtful Fortnum & Mason gift basket but by what looks suspiciously like the Palace staging something of a press fightback.
A volley of reports have landed over the weekend, all quoting royal insiders, which called out Meghan's "delusion" and "tragedy" and said the Sussexes' press antics are taking a "toll" on Her Majesty. They also argued Harry "has crossed a line" with the couple's upcoming Netflix series and his book and revealed the couple will be "frozen out" during their British jaunt.
This PR retaliation from those sympathetic to the royal cause comes after what has been a very busy couple of weeks for Sussex watchers, the press and anyone in the crossfire. In that time, we've had two episodes of Meghan's debut podcast series, the awkwardly named Archetypes (what she really seems to be talking about are stereotypes but hey ho facts can be so awkward right?) and her lengthy interview with The Cut.
That particular outing saw her gift the world with a truly gobsmackingly bonkers anecdote in which she claimed a South African cast member of the Lion King had told her the celebrations sparked by Sussexes' 2018 wedding were comparable with those that followed the release of Nelson Mandela after 27 years in prison.
(Super awkward, then, for Meghan that John Kani, the only South African cast member of the big-budget movie, subsequently said he had never met her, while his compatriot, composer Lebo M, who did briefly chat to the Sussexes at the film's London premiere for "less than a minute", according to the Mail, said he did not "remember details of that conversation.")
During the podcast and the interview, quelle surprise, the Duchess took a fresh series of swipes at Team Windsor.
There was Meghan saying it didn't "make any sense" that she was expected to "go out and do another official engagement" during their tour of South Africa after a heater caught fire in their son Archie's room (who thankfully was elsewhere with his nanny at the time).
Then in The Cut interview, she said that "by existing, we were upsetting the dynamic of the hierarchy" and commented that her husband had "lost" his father, but later said the comment was in reference to her own father, Thomas Markle.
And throughout this all, until this weekend, the powers-that-be in London have stayed schtum, with not so much as one unnamed source popping up to offer any sort of rebuke. One could nearly have been fooled into thinking that Palace had decided to maintain a stiff back-boned posture of silence, ignoring the Sussexes' latest round of anti-Palace kvetching.
But over the weekend, the dam burst and the Firm, it would seem, has decided not to sit idly by on its manicured hands, with a rat-a-tat-tat series of reports landing.
Most notably, writing in the Times, the paper's royal editor Roya Nikkhah has reported that the Windsors believe Harry and Meghan "keep bashing the monarchy because it's good business".
Nikkhah writes that, according to a royal source who had been involved in Megxit negotiations, "Everyone hoped they would go off to be financially independent, pursue their philanthropic endeavours and be happy — and that in going their own way, they might no longer feel the need to rail against the system as much as they still do. But then the star power of them requires an association with the royal family, and the fuel on those flames is the family discord."
Meanwhile, Meghan's Nelson Mandel comments had "sent eyebrows skywards in royal circles".
"The whole thing is just staggering," a royal source told Nikkhah. "Nelson Mandela? Who's next, Gandhi? There are simply no words for the delusion and tragedy of it all."
A source who knows the Queen "well" has said the 96-year-old "doesn't want to be on tenterhooks all the time, waiting to see what the next nuclear bomb will be — that will take its toll."
Then there is Charles, who reportedly has been left "completely bewildered" by Harry's barrage of criticism.
"For two years, there has been a steady stream of really challenging things said about a man who cannot [publicly] defend himself by a couple he obviously loves and misses," a friend of the Prince of Wales told Nikkhah. "That is incredibly difficult on a personal level. He is completely bewildered by why his son, whom he loves deeply, feels this is the way to go about managing family relationships."
Over in the Daily Beast, a friend of Charles has gone a step further, arguing that the outspoken Sussexes are now being "frozen out" by the royal family.
"Charles adores Harry, and would like nothing better than to get the relationship sorted. But a meeting next week is unlikely. Everything was already on hold until they saw what was in Harry's book, but if Meghan is actively threatening to reveal further secrets, and telling interviewers, 'I haven't signed anything, I can say anything I want,' then it's not surprising they are being frozen out," the friend told the Beast's Tom Sykes.
And Prince William? Stoic older brother and wonderfully touchy feely future King? He has "no plans" to see his brother because "[he] is deeply hurt and believes his brother has crossed a line", a well-placed source told the Mail's Rebecca English.
"I really can't see any progress [in repairing their relationship] until the documentary and book have come out and they see what he has to say. The family [have] everything to lose and nothing to gain," the source has said.
It will be fascinating to see how this week plays out with so many high-profile events on the cards. Harry and Meghan will attend charity events on Monday and Thursday in Britain, with another in Germany in between. On Tuesday, UK time, the Queen will hold audiences with the outgoing and incoming Prime Ministers at Balmoral, the first time she has done so away from Buckingham Palace and in a concession towards her mobility problems. Thursday will see the entire Cambridge family appear as their three children all start at their new school, Lambrook, together.
Who will get the most press coverage? Will the Sussexes' DIY quasi-royal tour back in Britain drown out the royal family or will the Duke and Duchess' various outings be lost in the wash of a new Prime Minister and adorable Cambridge kidlet pics? And will anyone at all aside from perhaps a Wholefoods delivery driver ring the doorbell of Frogmore Cottage?
With icy relatives just down the road, a prickly British press on standby and steps being taken by organisers to ensure there is no chance the couple are booed during engagements, this could be a bumpy week. Hold on to your hats, the Sussexes are back on the Crown estate – or should that be behind enemy lines?
• Daniela Elser is a royal expert and a writer with more than 15 years' experience working with a number of Australia's leading media writers
Telegraph: Research shows men don't understand the impact alcohol could be having.