King Charles and Queen Camilla with Princess Anne (second right) and Prince Andrew (right) attend the Easter Matins Service at St George's Chapel. Photo / AP
OPINION:
In post-Brexit Britain, there are, I would guess, only three things that people can agree on: Kirsty Young was the greatest host ever of Desert Island Discs; the creator of the Terry’s Chocolate Orange should be knighted; and Prince Andrew, Duke of York deserves to be left on some remote Scottish outcrop with only sheep for company. (On second thoughts, maybe no sheep.)
Instead, where do you think one might have found the 63-year-old, unemployed, at-a-permanent-loose-end Duke this weekend? Rewatching 24 and disconsolately scooping his way through a pint of Tesco’s mint choc-chip ice cream? Doodling in his gratitude journal? Yelling at squirrels in his garden and wondering where ex-wife and permanent housemate Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York has stashed his Purdey shotguns?
Oh no.
There he was, right smack dab behind his brother King Charles, while enjoying a return to the royal spotlight.
On Sunday, three generations of the royal family piled into the pews of St George’s Chapel at Windsor for the first Easter service with His Majesty in the top job. (The day also happened to be the second anniversary of the death of Prince Philip and the 18th wedding anniversary of Charles and Queen Camilla.)
This should have been the sort of PR slam dunk that would make a courtier swoon, the image of a united House of Windsor gathering in a show of support for the new monarch.
And yet instead, making his way down the hill towards the chapel was the royal family’s blackest of black sheep.
I cannot for the life of me understand why the King would have allowed his brother to be there on Sunday; to agree to Andrew being not only seen but photographed by the waiting press pack. (Perhaps Charles lost at Trivial Pursuit the night before and had to let Andrew take part as forfeit?)
This was a highly significant day in the reign of King Charles III. Not only did he assume the throne, the keys to the Tower of London, all the sturgeon and dolphins in British territorial waters and the armed services when he acceded last September, but he also became the head of the Church of England. And, as I’m reliably informed by a quick Google of Bible classes for the apathetic atheists, there is no holier day than Easter Sunday for both chocoholics and observers of the Christian faith.
Which is to say, on Sunday, Charles was meant to be on the job, not indulging his brother’s whims.
While His Majesty might occasionally come across as a slightly ineffectual, plant-whispering placeholder of a sovereign, the man takes his job damned seriously. So why the dickens was Andrew allowed to be such a visible part of this milestone moment?
For Charles, the inclusion of Andrew on Sunday represents a dangerous move.
(Please imagine the Jaws theme tune playing here …)
There is a certain depressing sort of deja vu to this.
For much of the time during the last few years of Queen Elizabeth II’s life, Andrew represented a serious blind spot, with her maternal affection for her second son seeming to regularly trump her sense of duty. It was only in March last year that the Duke managed to essentially pull what seemed like a serious swifty and got his mumsy to agree to let him escort her to her seat inside Westminster Abbey for Prince Philip’s memorial service. Jaws dropped, eyes bulged and a universal cry of ‘whaatttt’ went up when the noxious royal and his nonagenarian mother entered the Abbey via Poet’s Corner as the world watched.
It was a real Exxon Valdez moment for Elizabeth II.
However, it had largely been assumed that with the passing of the Duke’s number one champion and last remaining dues-paying member of the Official Prince Andrew Fanclub (annual fee as set by Fergie: £5999 a year) that he was about to face much colder winds.
In December, Andrew was a surprise inclusion at the annual royal Christmas service at Sandringham but he was kept far away from the King and from William and Kate, the Prince and Princess of Wales, and their children including the future King, Prince George. This seemed just about okay – Andrew reduced to “permanent blurry blob in the background at family events” status.
Then it seemed like Charles’ displeasure at his witless, egomaniac of a brother’s action was finally coming into full effect with the news broke that he was reportedly planning on giving Andrew’s nearly $500,000 tax-free allowance a serious haircut. Embarrassing enough for Andrew, but even more so when it became apparent this would also mean he could no longer afford the upkeep of his enormous grace-and-favour home Royal Lodge. Goodbye to the 30 rooms, swimming pool and estate so big it has its own chapel. Diddums.
Instead he was offered Harry and Meghan’s five-bedroom Frogmore Cottage where he will have a hell of a time unplugging all the leftover oil diffusers and chucking out the litany of Post-It note affirmations stuck to every reflective surface.
At last glance, Andrew is reported to have been digging in his heels but has exactly no cards left to play.
When the Royal Lodge news broke, it seemed like finally, FINALLY, after decades of near-impunity, of reportedly spending time in St Tropez with a gun runner who introduced him to Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, of visiting countries on human rights watchlists, and enjoying a New York City break with a convicted sex offender, Andrew was going to face some material consequences of his execrable judgment.
And yet here we are today with photos of the Prince strolling in the spring sunshine, only metres behind the King, less than a month before the coronation.
A sympathetic read of this situation would be that Charles, in the spirit of Christian forgiveness, decided to let his brother back into the fold. Or maybe, after the humiliating Royal Lodge news, the King had decided to deem Sunday a family event as opposed to an official outing.
But, this is one of those moments when His Majesty should be making decisions not as an emotional sort who consorts with trees and underlines passages in his autographed copy of the Dalai Lama’s The Art Of Happiness, but as the person whose responsibility it is to ensure that the monarchy endures.
For all of Harry and Meghan’s foot-stomping, TV tantrum-throwing and book-bellyaching, the damage their outbursts have done to the monarchy can never begin to match the irreparable harm that Andrew and his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein has done to the crown.
For Charles, there should not – nay, cannot – be a hint of equivocation or a softening of his stance on Andrew if he wants his grandson to one day inherit the throne and not to just end up starring on I’m A Celebrity as the boy who was meant to be King after the monarchy collapses.
As much as I am a huge fan of Queen Elizabeth (both I and II), often when it came to the Andrew question, the late Queen clearly struggled with those warring parts of herself, of the duelling halves of monarch and mother.
The Duke is obviously still a part of Charles’ family, but the King’s job is to protect and safeguard a 1000-year-old institution – not to give in to occasional bouts of affection or guilt like his mother seemed to.
It’s very much worth noting that in the photos from Sunday’s royal family procession to the chapel, William, Kate and their three children trailed as far behind Andrew at the back of the royal pack as was humanly possible.
It was reportedly William, in cahoots with Charles, who pressured the Queen to change tack and not allow Andrew to take part in the Order of the Garter ceremony, one of those red-letter, symbolic days that are chock full of significance and pomp. (Despite having lost his honorary military titles and ability to use his HRH, Andrew remains a Knight of the Garter, the oldest and most prestigious chivalric order.)
Thus, while Charles and new Garter inductees – including Camilla and former Prime Minister Tony Blair – capered about wearing velvet caps with enormous feathers, looking like they were having a spiffing time, Andrew was left at home to reorganise his putter collection.
Maybe it’s now time for William to lean on his Pa a bit and drum a bit of prudence into his noggin.
Charles should not have permitted Andrew to appear in the very heart of the royal family, at a moment when the palace is busy trying to sell an image of a unified and robust House of Windsor.
There simply cannot be a way back to anything even vaguely resembling public life for the Duke of York.
If Charles needs some inspiration of his own here, he should look to the other Elizabeth’s famous speech to the troops at Tilbury in 1588 as England prepared to fend off a Spanish invasion, in which she declared: “I have the heart and stomach of a King.”
And that’s exactly what Charles needs right now – to remember his job demands he have the fortitude and gumption and cojones “of a King”. Hell, he should probably write it on a few Post-It notes too.
A live cook-off featured ox heart, wapiti, wild boar and plenty of edible wildlife.