OPINION:
Do you reckon the Queen has ever done karaoke? The reason I'm asking is the lyrics to Aretha Franklin's iconic Respect seem curiously apt right now. "All I'm askin' is for a little respect when you get home," the Queen of Soul sings. "(Just a little bit) hey, baby, (Just a little bit) when you get home."
Should the real Queen be asking the same thing?
Because respect has been one of the recurring through lines offered up by Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex when it comes to Her Majesty.
During their Oprah interview, he offered up repeated declarations on this front including in part: "My grandmother and I have a really good relationship and an understanding, and I have a deep respect for her", "I've never blindsided my grandmother. I have too much respect for her", "I completely respect my grandmother's decision" and "I have a deep respect for her. She's my Colonel-In-Chief, right? She always will be."
However, the question today is quite how that rhetoric tallies with the duo's latest headline-making ways.
If the first week of November was owned by Team Palace – with William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge along with Prince Charles and his wife Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall all serving up monarchy 2.0 at the Cop26 climate conference – then the week just past was firmly dominated by Team Sussex.
First, Meghan took part in the New York Times' Dealbook Summit to continue to wage her campaign for paid family leave while over at Wired magazine Harry was doing his bit, taking part in a confab about misinformation and proving that even after 18 months, he still hasn't quite worked out how to position his camera for Zoom appearances.
All would be well and good except for three words which the Duchess uttered during her Dealbook outing.
She and the host were discussing her recent advocacy for paid parental leave which has recently seen her make a series of controversial calls to various US Senators, a move that one courtier back in the UK told the Times was "outrageous."
(Another commented over the weekend: "The Duchess of Sussex doesn't have the right to have a more powerful voice [on the issue] than any other mother in America. She should not be playing in politics.")
So, how would Meghan respond to this particular charge? Coiffured and looking stupendous chic she parried, saying: "I don't see this as a political issue, frankly. Look there's certainly a precedent in my husband's family, the royal family, of not having any involvement in politics but paid leave, from my standpoint, is just a humanitarian issue."
The sticking point here is not her views on supporting new mums and dads, because on that she's spot on. Insert all the applause she very rightly deserves here.
Oh no. The issue is the use of those three small words: "my husband's family".
Why for the love of all of Meghan's Lorraine Schwartz diamonds did she go there?
Meghan is a highly intelligent woman with a degree from one of the US' top 10 universities and an entire army of aides to prepare her for any sort of oratorical combat. So why go the easy, cheap route here and use this opportunity to drag her "husband's family" into the mix?
Likewise, the strength of her case is more than sound – so why did she feel the need to make a comment that had a suspicious whiff of a dig about it?
The statement "I don't see this as a political issue, frankly. Paid leave, from my standpoint, is just a humanitarian issue" would have been equally as forceful.
The issue here isn't the point she was making about the apolitical nature of helping new parents but that she chose to yank the royal family into things, especially at a time when, back in the UK, the palace has been contending with the Queen's biggest health crisis, perhaps ever.
For a while there recently it felt like a day didn't go by without a Buckingham Palace factotum popping up and announcing they were cancelling another outing of Her Majesty's or some report or another was dishing out more ominous news.
Her secret hospitalisation in late October, something which the Firm foolishly tried to keep under wraps, has still yet to be explained.
While at the time of writing, the resolute 95-year-old is expected to observe proceedings at the London Cenotaph to mark Remembrance Sunday (since 2017, Charles has laid a wreath on her behalf as she watches on from the nearby Commonwealth Office building) we are not out of the woods yet.
For a woman who ploughs through her diplomatic red box every day of the year, save for Easter Sunday and Christmas Day, and logged more working days in 2019 than her two granddaughters-in-law combined, the very fact she agreed to take some sick leave makes for a very worrying turn of events.
And yet it is against this backdrop that we have to take Meghan's comments about her "husband's family".
If the Duke and Duchess respect the sovereign so much, why spend much of this year denouncing the family and institution she heads up? Why never seemingly miss an opportunity to take a potshot at the palace?
This moment highlights a bigger issue at play which is that the Sussexes seem to feel that they have to drag the royal house into things to get their point across.
Take their appearance for Time in September last year when they urged Americans to vote in the Presidential election. "Many of you may not know that I haven't been able to vote in the UK my entire life," Harry said.
Why? How does bringing this up strengthen his argument? The case for voting is strong enough without having to decry the royal modus operandi.
Or, take Harry's various appearances, with Oprah Winfrey, on the Loungechair Expert podcast and on his Apple+ TV show, The Me You Can't See (which yes, does sounds like a failed Leonardo DiCaprio vehicle) during which he, respectively, claimed his father and brother are "trapped" in the royal family, taught the world about concept of "genetic pain" and accused the royal family of "total neglect".
(Side note: Is "genetic pain" the conscious uncoupling of 2021? Here's hoping we don't see him spruiking yoni eggs anytime soon.)
Harry deserves every plaudit and accolade out there for his fight to destigmatise mental health issues, in exactly the same way Meghan does when it comes to her paid parental leave quest. Both of these are pressing causes of the moment and the couple's advocacy can and will make a difference.
But you know there is a big, fat "but" coming here right?
Which in this case is, their aims are noble – but why haven't they realised they can achieve these ends without having to diminish the royal house to some degree?
For two people so keen to build a new, shiny life on the other side of the world and to distance themselves from the institution they have argued did them wrong, they do seem to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about his family.
(It's kind of like someone who hasn't quite gotten over their ex and manages to drop their name into conversation with infuriating regularity.)
What I also don't understand here is why, when Harry and Meghan should be focusing on building their new brand and company and charity, they still seem so fixated on defining themselves in opposition to an organisation that should be firmly in their rearview mirror?
The Sussexes have the focus, zeal and perfect blow dries (well, she does) to make it as players on the US stage, if they are not there already. It's time for them to move on and to leave the Windsors in the past.
In Respect, Franklin sings: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB,"
And "TCB"? That stands for "taking care of business." (A line she got from Elvis, interestingly enough.)
It's time for Harry and Meghan to do just that. They have plenty of business to take care of – fortunes to make, TV and movie awards to try and win and a vegan latte empire to build. Who needs the monarchy when you have oat milk-adjacent investments to manage and a generation of new parents to help?
• Daniela Elser is a royal expert and a writer with more than 15 years' experience working with a number of Australia's leading media titles.
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