Dame Joy Cowley reflects on her own mysterious Easter story.

Author Joy Cowley after her investiture as a member of the Order of New Zealand in 2018. Photo / Mark Mitchell

As her eyesight fails, beloved writer Dame Joy Cowley reflects on her own Easter story.

There are three ways for us to evaluate reality: the "physical", the "psychological" and the "spiritual".

Mostly we use the first two but the third is within us and will pop up in surprising ways, reminding us that there is another reality beyond our limited sensate system. Artists know this. They work with it, giving it names like "instinct' and "inspiration". Others invent words like "serendipity" to explain extraordinary coincidence. It's the phone call from someone who was in your thoughts. It's something impossible made miraculously possible; and it's an unexpected barrier to something that would have turned out catastrophic.

We all have these experiences that can't be explained in terms of physical or psychological reality, and we occasionally have to acknowledge that there is something beyond the perception of our five senses. That something is a greater reality.

The older we get, the more we are inclined to believe that the third aspect of reality is all about inner growth. Christians use a word for spiritual reality. We call it God, which is a name people have invented. I believe no human language can adequately describe this presence that works within everything. We can only say what it is like.

Catholics use the word "mystery" and, as a Catholic, I hold the celebration of Easter as a mystery central to my life. Easter is the metaphor for personal development.

Most of us know the Easter story. A good holy man is crucified, dies and comes alive again in greater form. Crucifixion and resurrection belong together, which is why the day of torment is called "Good" Friday. Goodness comes out of this. What is resurrected will be greater than what has died.

The Easter story has deep meaning for many people. For me, it is an important parable about growth. When I look back over a long life, it is not pleasure and success that fill me with great gratitude, but the times of pain and loss that emptied me to make room for something new. I am grateful for the friends who helped me through those times. I am also grateful that I could not project the pain on other people. I realise now, that blaming others would have kept me longer in the "tomb".

Whether we are religious or not, we all have our own Easter stories. There will be times when we were emptied so that something new could be given. It is the way of growth. And its fruits are wisdom and compassion. When I see someone with those qualities, I know that person has suffered.

This year I move towards Easter knowing that I am going blind. Will that be a cross? I don't know. I may well come to the state of being unable to write at all. Will that make me depressed? Perhaps the loss of vision will be resurrected as inner sight. I don't know that either, but I know how spiritual growth works and I trust it.

If you are reading this, you may wish to look at the story of your own life. Sit for some moments of reflection. Chances are, you will highlight the happy times and skip over the times you call "bad". Try reflecting without that kind of judgment. Focus on memories of the times you felt helpless with grief, pain, rejection, anguish, loneliness. Choose the words that describe how you felt. Sometimes, people talk about being "gutted". Did your experience make you feel hollowed-out? How did you react? Examine all this from the safe distance of now.

Then reflect on what happened after the crucifixion. How did you come alive again? Did you discover that the cup had been emptied so that it could be filled with something greater? Did you sense newness in your life? This is what Catholics call "the way of the Cross" - and it is all about growth.

Happy Easter, dear friend!