"I have to tell him it's okay to not be okay - give yourself a break," Mel says. Photo / Phillip Castleton
"Lucky" isn't a word many would use to describe everything that Kiwi cricket legend Chris Cairns has been through in the past year.
He suffered a terrifying cardiac illness that nearly killed him and then a spinal stroke that has robbed him of the use of his legs, forcing him to endure months of gruelling rehab and hospital stays. And as if that wasn't enough, in February, Chris was diagnosed with bowel cancer.
In the space of a year, he's gone from able-bodied to relying on a wheelchair for mobility and a permanent stoma for his bowel function.
But when Woman's Day catches up with the courageous 52-year-old over video call from his home in Canberra, Australia, that word "lucky" just keeps coming up.
"It's honestly how I feel," he says, a smile on his face and his arm draped lovingly around wife Mel, 42.
"The reality is, I shouldn't be here. I've been told there's no medical reason at all that I survived, so as much as you look at the physical aspects of how my life has been altered, I really do take the view that I'm lucky. I have so much to be thankful for."
It's an incredible outlook for someone whose world has been turned on its head. While Chris has spoken out about his aortic dissection and subsequent stroke, this is the first time he's opened up in depth about his cancer battle. The devoted dad-of-five admits he never could've imagined facing down another health crisis as serious as this.
"The past year feels like 10 years because so much has happened, but also it feels like six weeks," tells Chris.
"It feels so long in one respect and so short in another."
Mel, a director at global accounting firm Deloitte, adds, "The story of what Chris has been through is so crazy, it could only be true."
Chris' cancer diagnosis came after nurses at his rehab facility noticed blood in his stool. No one – Chris included – was hugely concerned, but he was sent for a colonoscopy just to be safe. When the results showed a mass in his bowel, he and his medical team were stunned. Chris recalls the day his GP delivered the news.
"I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked him, 'Am I going to die?' and he said, 'We don't know the extent, but we caught it early.' "
A shocked Chris left the appointment and was driven home by his mum Sue, who'd been in Canberra since her son first fell ill. He didn't tell her what he'd just learned, instead deciding to wait for a quiet moment to break the news to Mel first. But as soon as they turned into their driveway and Chris spotted his wife, the floodgates opened and the secret was out.
"I said to Mum and Mel, 'It's cancer', and we were all standing there crying in shock."
While Chris would've been forgiven for sinking into a pit of despair, with Mel's incredible support, he picked himself up and approached the cancer with his characteristic bravery. The couple met with specialists, gathered all the information they needed, and promised each other they'd get through the surgery and subsequent chemotherapy.
"I have my dark moments," admits Chris, "but I share them with Mel and, more often than not, she'll give me a moment to wallow, then I'll get back on track again. It's all about remembering that there are people worse off than me. I have Mel and my kids. I'm lucky I'm not doing this alone."
Mel adds, "From very early on, I took a glass-half-full approach. People say it's unfair, but we flip it – if the aortic dissection hadn't happened, we probably never would've found the cancer until it was much further progressed. We're so lucky he's here."
With Chris' spinal rehabilitation put on hold, the first step in the journey was surgery to remove the tumour. He admits to initially being upset when he learned he would need a permanent stoma, an opening in his abdomen where waste is directed into a bag attached to the outside of his body.
"At first, I was really afraid of that part, but it's actually been a blessing," he says, explaining that toileting was one of the hardest parts of his recovery after the spinal stroke.
"No one talks about these things, but going to the toilet when you don't have the use of your lower body is so difficult. My life became structured around my bowel movements and I was always afraid of having an accident. I hated that it was Mel who had to clean me up when it happened."
The stoma means he is now more in control and able to deal with his own hygiene.
"It's improved my quality of life enormously," says Chris, who is dad to Tom, 20, and Bram, 19, from a previous marriage, plus Izzy, 11, Noah, 9, and 4-year-old Gus with Mel.
As the final part of his treatment, Chris is having chemotherapy as the cancer was found to have spread to some lymph nodes. Taken orally for six months, the chemo has left him exhausted. Another side effect has been sore and burning hands.
"I'm being fried from the inside, basically, so the skin is peeling off my hands and it's very painful, which isn't ideal because my hands are now my feet in many ways," he says.
The exhaustion has also been tough. "I've never been less motivated in my life."
But Chris is throwing whatever energy he has left to lend his voice to the John Ritter Foundation, founded by the wife of the late US actor to raise awareness of aortic dissection. Best known for roles in 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter, Three's Company and Bad Santa, John died in 2003, at age 54, after his aortic dissection was misdiagnosed as a heart attack.
Chris says he's thrilled to join forces and use his profile to help make a difference, especially as the organisation has a special Kiwi link with John's son Jason married to our very own Melanie Lynskey.
"It's a no-brainer to join up with them," says Chris.
"There is such a lack of awareness and I really think if we can get the message out there about aortic dissection and what to look out for, we could save lives."
Too often, people die because they and medical staff are not aware of the signs, he says.
"The mortality rate is high because it's often misdiagnosed as a heart attack. We were lucky we had a cardiologist who knew the signs. It's believed 20 to 50 per cent of patients die before they make it to hospital."
Mel is incredibly proud of Chris' fighting spirit.
"What makes Chris who he is is his resilience. Sometimes he is too stoic and I have to tell
him it's okay not to be okay – give yourself a break, have a cry, then refocus and keep going forward. But he never gives up. He's always fighting."
While the ultimate goal that Chris will one day walk again remains, the couple is determined to take each day as it comes. Having come so close to death, every moment with his children means the world, and Chris is thrilled that he recently got back his driver's licence, so he can play taxi driver for his sporty kids. Izzy is one of Australia's top tennis players for her age group, while Noah is a talented basketball and baseball player.
Chris' eldest son Tom lives in Johannesberg, South Africa, while Bram has recently moved to Canberra to live with his dad.
"I don't want to miss a moment of my kids' lives," says Chris.
"Knowing how close I came to not being here just makes me appreciate every part of being a dad so much more."
And with Chris' chemo finishing soon, the family is looking ahead to Christmas, when they're heading to Queensland for a much-deserved holiday with friends and family. It'll be a chance to relax and reflect after the hardest year of their lives.
Chris says he's reminded every day how lucky he is to have married Mel.
"Mel has done an incredible job at keeping our family together and keeping us on track. She's an incredible person and I couldn't have stayed afloat without her."
An aortic dissection occurs when there is a tear in the inner lining of the aorta, the large vessel that carries oxygenated blood from your heart to the rest of your body. Blood surges through the tear, causing the inner and middle layers of the aorta to separate. This slows or stops the flow of blood around the body.
Aortic dissection is a rare, yet life-threatening medical emergency. Seek immediate help for a sudden onset of severe pain in the chest, stomach, back or neck. The pain is likely to be sharp, tearing, ripping, moving or so unlike any pain you have ever had that you feel something is very wrong.
Aortic dissection can mimic a heart attack. But if a heart attack or other important diagnosis is not clearly and quickly established, then aortic dissection should be considered and ruled out, particularly if a patient has a family history or features of a genetic syndrome that predisposes the patient to an aortic aneurysm or dissection.
• Sudden, severe chest or upper back pain, sometimes described as a tearing or ripping feeling
• Severe abdominal pain
• Loss of consciousness, breathlessness, fainting or dizziness
• Trouble talking or a croaky voice
• Loss of vision
• Weakness or paralysis on one side of the body
• Weak pulse in one arm compared to the other
• Leg pain or paralysis
For more information on risk factors, prevention and awareness, go to johnritterfoundation.org and visit heartfoundation.org.nz.
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