Jana Hocking discovered the three Ps of the pandemic: proposals, pregnancies and porn. Photo / Jana Hocking
Jana Hocking discovered the three Ps of the pandemic: proposals, pregnancies and porn. Photo / Jana Hocking
The other night I was merrily eating tacos and sipping on a margarita with girlfriends at our local Mexican joint. We were making the most of these post-quarantine times and, as you can imagine, there was lots to catch up on.
We had invited a new friend and as shemunched down a chip with guac she casually exclaimed: "Everyone's getting proposed to or pregnant at the moment, but all I've been doing is watching porn."
Ahh yes, the three Ps of the pandemic: proposals, pregnancies, and porn. It would seem that many couples decided it was time to put down some roots, get hitched and start a family. Statistically, pregnancies have gone through the roof – Chemist Warehouse reported a 33 per cent increase in home pregnancy tests since the start of the pandemic.
So what about the rest of us? You know, the single ones. The ones that weren't allowed to go on dates. What in the Lord's name have we been doing? Well, it's simple. We've been watching porn.
Yes, even us women. Yes, even those quiet librarian-type females in your office. If she has got access to the internet, then I promise you, she's been watching porn. One of my girlfriends fondly calls it the "iso horn".
Jana Hocking has discovered there are three Ps of the pandemic: proposals, pregnancies and porn. Photo / Jana Hocking
Not just any porn, mind you. This is nice porn. With good lighting, enviable lingerie and a man who doesn't just grunt and thrust. No wading through all the videos of women being horribly degraded just to find that lovely video of two people getting it on.
No jackhammering allowed on these fancy-yet-free sites. What's that ... oh yes ... it's a collective sigh of relief from my fellow women folk.
You fancy your men bearded, they cater for that. You fancy a dad bod? Why not click over here. You fancy yours buff and grey, oh hey why not click on this sexy grandpa.
Some sites even let you submit your fantasy and they will find a real-life couple to act it out for you. It's all very 50 Shades of Gray and I'm here for it.
Unlike the usual grotty porn sites, the female-marketed porn sites take pride in making sure the woman featured in the filming is enjoying herself and looks pleasured in a realistic way.
After bingeing Tiger King in isolation, Jana Hocking moved onto something stronger. Photo / Jana Hocking
You see, some clever entrepreneurial ladies, like Erika Lust who went from being a political science and gender studies graduate to feminist adult film maker, discovered that we women are just as interested in a cheeky sneak-peak at bedroom antics as blokes, just not the kind you see on those cheap and sleazy sites.
Female-friendly sites feature real couples in real situations. Which reminds me of my first porn-viewing experience. It was at a slumber party with a group of girls in high school.
One of them had found their dad's stash and brought a VHS (yes, I'm THAT old) of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's honeymoon sex tape.
Aside from the fact that we were all impressed that Tommy Lee could beep a car horn with his old fella (bravo) it was nice to see a couple having a jolly good time on holiday.
Fast forward a few years and we're now seeing a much broader type of porn via the more mainstream websites. Sadly, many of them think that they must perform a certain way to keep a man happy. Wrong. I say embrace the female-led porn sites and let's get rid of the ridiculous idea that porn is exclusively made for men. Sigh.
