Couples therapist says you should schedule sex with your partner

Couples therapist insists that frequent sex boosts communication and reduces change of affairs. Photo / Getty Images

A love and communication coach who specialises in helping couples reconnect sexually insists that women must schedule sex with their partners to keep the spark alive and reduce the chance of affairs.

Singapore-born Ar'nie Krogh, who now lives in London, has been married for 18 years and says that she and her husband are having the same level of sex now as when they were first dating, reports Daily Mail.

"We have sex as often as possible and we schedule it in multiple times per week. Saturday and Sunday mornings are a must too," she said.

"I demand sex from my husband even if he looks tired and vice versa. I also say yes to him when I am tired as it is my way of making him happy. We go to bed earlier some nights to have sex as a nightcap.

"It could be oral sex, it could be just a cuddle. It doesn't have to be about penetration. It's about the special, intimate connection."

Ar'nie insists that keeping that connection alive prevent partners straying.

"Lots of studies and reports show that marriages break down because of infidelity and feeling unappreciated and feeling of growing apart," she said. "These are all things connected to communication and emotional connection.

"But when you're having sex you don't have time to argue. You speak more gently, all those hormones are running around. You are sexually satisfied.

"There's no reason to look somewhere else with hungry eyes.

"All the reports I've read show that couples who have really happy marriages have regular sex."

Ar'nie insists that while some therapists would disagree with the idea of a schedule, spontaneity "can't be sustained long term."

"It's like a kitchen you clean and make it sparkle," she said.

"You can't just leave it for another six months and wonder why it's not sparkling anymore. You need to keep working at it.

Ar'nie and her husband have been together 18 years, but their sex life is just as active now as it was when they were dating. Photo / Daily Mail

"If you can schedule everything else in your life then you should be able to schedule private time with your partner.

"It might seem a bit unromantic. But don't look at it like we need to get our kit off and have sex. See it as a chance to regroup as a couple."

For Ar'nie herself, she sees sex as a way to relax in the evenings in the same way some people might enjoy a glass of wine.

She explained: "You're more relaxed, you feel loved and warm and sated and is that not the best way to go to sleep?"

"It's so easy to let our children run our lives away, but you need to remember you're a woman with sexual needs and make sure these are looked after."

And if you are worried about scheduling things being unromantic, Ar'nie insists that it's not something you have to stick with forever.

"The more often you do it, the more automatic it becomes," she explained.

"You don't have to plan it. It's just a case of 'I'm feeling very randy tonight'."

HOW TO DEVELOP A SEX SCHEDULE

1. Communicate with your partner

If the spark between you has dwindled, you need to "sit down and communicate without being hurt or accusatory, speaking kindly and with love".

It could be that the other person is experiencing stress at work that they're bottling up and that's affecting your sex life.

2. Identify what was your regular

There's no rule as to how many times a week you should have sex and every couple is different. You don't need to be aiming for five times a week if you used to do it once a week when sexual activity was at a peak in your relationship.

3. Arrange some time alone

Ar'nie suggests asking someone to look after your children so you can spend a night at a hotel where you won't be distracted.

'That can kickstart the process of finding that regularity,' she said.

4. Keep practicing

Once you've started sticking to a schedule, you should find that you need to be less rigid with your planning and that you naturally want to have sex more often.

Ar'nie Krogh is an International Love & Communication Coach. Her debut self care book The Architect of Love is available now via Amazon.