Picture the perfect Christmas scene. Presents likely feature in some manner: piled under the tree, tumbling down the chimney, or poking out of stockings.
But does it matter how many there are?
Last weekend, at a picnic with friends, I watched a wide smile spreading over the face of a friend’s toddler as he unwrapped a set of model cars. There was a glint of joy in his eyes as he surveyed the figurines, looked up at his parents and asked “more presents?”
“No Olly, it’s just one present,” his mum calmly explained. “Your nan has led you to believe that you get a million gifts, but that’s not how it actually works.”
No one wants kids to go without but Karen Campbell, founder of Child Behaviour Service, says there isn’t really a finite number of gifts a children should receive - “too much or too many of anything is not a good idea”.
“If children are given too many gifts it can overwhelm them and the gifts become less meaningful. It does not make them happier and in some instances they lose the ability to be grateful as there is always a need for more.”
In 2018, a University of Toledo study found that an abundance of toys actually reduced the quality of toddlers’ play and fewer toys can lead a young child to focus and engage in more creative, imaginative play.
Researchers observed 36 toddlers in free-play sessions with either four or 16 toys and noticed a significant difference in the quality of play. The study measured sustained play and variety of manners of play, and found that “toddlers had a greater quality of play in the four toy condition compared to the 16 toy condition”.
The children with four toys exhibited one and a half times more interactions with the toys, indicating that young children “are more likely to play in more sophisticated, advanced ways with fewer toys present”.
A gifting philosophy that has gained favour in the past few years is the want, need, wear, read trend whereby children are given a selection of intentional presents from four categories: a present they want (e.g a toy they’ve asked for); something they need (a practical gift like a new lunchbox for school); something for them to wear; and something to read.
The consumerist component of Christmas can be overwhelming for a child but also for the family, financially. Campbell suggests funnelling energies instead into building or observing festive traditions.
“Ultimately these traditions are the things children will remember. For example making decorations, helping with making a Christmas cake, going to the Santa grotto as a family, learning Christmas carols or going to church if that is what your family does.”
Other research supports the idea that caregivers are better off investing in activities, or over material goods. In 2014, Cornell University psychologist Thomas Gilovich found that people look back on experiences, such as concert tickets, with more satisfaction than they do on their material purchases.
Campbell says when approaching the holiday season, caregivers should hone in on the values important to their family rather than giving in to pressures to match others.
“There is always going to be families who have more, so trying to keep up is largely futile anyway”.
To counteract grumbles kids might have about comparative gift values or volumes, Campbell suggests using the opportunity to teach skills around managing disappointment as this will help children in life. She encourages the use of a phrase such as “I understand that, but in our family we…"
“Focus on the activities and positive family times to counteract this such as going to the beach, having friends over, playing games.
“There is nothing more valuable to a child than parental attention – especially positive parent attention."