NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather forecasts

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
    • The Great NZ Road Trip
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
    • Cooking the Books
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Cheats' site a popular affair

By Anna Leask
Herald on Sunday·
17 Apr, 2010 04:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

A website designed to help people have extra-marital affairs arrives in New Zealand this month.

Would-be adulterers can sign up to www.ashleymadison.com for free and create a profile to let people know what they look like and what they want.

But they must buy credits to communicate with other users to arrange illicit liaisons.

Creator Noel Biderman said he brought the service here to capitalise on Kiwi interest in the site's Australian launch last week.

"Four to five thousand people were trying to log in from New Zealand. We thought while we were (in Australia) we should grab that opportunity."

The site, which uses the slogan "Life is short, have an affair" started in his native Canada in 2001 before expanding to the US and UK.

It claims to be the world's "premier discreet dating service" with 5.7 million anonymous members.

Biderman said he had earned "tonnes of millions" from it but refused to reveal exactly how much.

He said most users were men looking for sex rather than new relationships, but denied the site encouraged people to cheat. "I'm not going to generate infidelity - if it's going to happen we want people to do it in a secure place.

"It's a social networking site where people can be honest with each other. The reason I built the service was because 30 per cent of people on singles websites are not single at all. Most of those would prefer a network of their own."

The 38-year-old former lawyer and sports agent said he was a "happily married" father of two and would be "devastated" if his wife cheated on him.

"But there is no way I would blame it on an inanimate object like a website or say it was the hotel room or the cellphone company's fault.

"I wouldn't even blame my wife or her lover - I'd look in the mirror and ask myself, 'How did I fail in my relationship?"'

Auckland psychologist Nathan Gaunt said people who signed up had to be prepared for repercussions.

"People have to question why they are doing it. It's a good time for people to take stock of the relationship if they are considering that sort of thing."

Sex expert Blair Bishop said the site was a "tangible and realistic acknowledgment" of a change in society - traditional monogamy was a "myth" and infidelity was a part of life.

"Infidelity can be damaging ... but not always. I suspect more people want to do it, but it's not something we talk about."

Gaunt said any affair was laced with "deception, deceit and betrayal".

"Society may have changed and relationships may have changed but I don't think the need for honesty and trust has changed. If anything, they have become more important."

Biderman said the site was constantly monitored and profiles containing aggressive or inappropriate content were removed.

But it was impossible to stop sexual predators trawling the site and users had to rely on common sense to stay safe.

"We have been operating for almost nine years, servicing more than 5.5 million members, and have never had a single incident."

A controversial reputation

* Noel Biderman's site has generated so much controversy he was flanked by two security guards when he attended the Australian launch last week.

* Users have accused him of ruining relationships. He has been the topic of heated debates on US talk shows including Dr Phil, Ellen and Larry King.

* In February he offered to pay the US city of Phoenix $10 million to rename its international airport the Ashley Madison International Airport for five years. It said no.

* Two months earlier he offered to subsidise public transport fares in Toronto if the transit authority allowed him to advertise on its property. It too declined.

* US TV network NBC refused to show ads for the website during coverage of the 2009 Superbowl because they were too racy.

Discover more

Opinion

<i>Deborah Hill Cone:</i> Divorce - it's bigger than the law

18 Apr 03:45 PM
Entertainment

Mel Gibson splits from Russian girlfriend

15 Apr 09:02 PM
Lifestyle

Moaning modern mums?

15 Apr 11:07 PM
Lifestyle

Are humans hardwired to cheat?

26 Jan 03:36 AM
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

What drinking alcohol when you’re on statins does to your body

16 May 06:00 AM
Lifestyle

Slow-cooking secrets: How to master flavourful meals with ease

16 May 12:00 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

Ask an expert: I’m dating my friend’s ex - is that wrong?

16 May 12:00 AM

Sponsored: How much is too much?

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
What drinking alcohol when you’re on statins does to your body

What drinking alcohol when you’re on statins does to your body

16 May 06:00 AM

Telegraph: Statins and alcohol both affect liver enzymes, causing potential issues.

Slow-cooking secrets: How to master flavourful meals with ease

Slow-cooking secrets: How to master flavourful meals with ease

16 May 12:00 AM
Premium
Ask an expert: I’m dating my friend’s ex - is that wrong?

Ask an expert: I’m dating my friend’s ex - is that wrong?

16 May 12:00 AM
Premium
What's the best way to wake up?

What's the best way to wake up?

15 May 06:00 PM
Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year
sponsored

Sponsored: Cosy up to colour all year

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP