Jayden decided to donate his sperm when he was 27. Photo / Supplied
Jayden has five children that belong to four separate families. He's never met any of them.
He doesn't know their names. He doesn't know what they look like. In fact, there's a chance he may never know any of them. They may never want to know him.
You see, he's not really their father.
This fact was drilled into Jayden years ago when he decided to become a sperm donor.
At 27 years old, Jayden had a mortgage, was working 80 hours a week for a job that had him travelling to Asia regularly and had no romantic partner or relationship to speak of. After three years of living this way, Jayden was up for yet another promotion and found himself at a fork in the road.
"I had a choice to make: take another promotion that had more travel expectations or resign and concentrate on trying to rebuild a social life and my fitness levels outside of work, including a romantic relationship", Jayden told news.com.au.
He knew the life he had been living was no longer feasible as it had taken too much of a toll. But without all of the hours and a job he could rely on for consistent income, Jayden felt at a loss.
That was until late 2013 when he saw an ABC special on "Sperm Donor Shortage in Australia". The piece described the challenges of overseas sperm importation and laws overseas about anonymity which rob children born in this way the opportunity to ever meet their genetic father.
In Australia, anonymity is not allowed. Should a donation recipient elect to use an Australian donor, upon turning eighteen the child has the option to contact their genetic father.
Jayden was intrigued and began creating a list of pros and cons, even going so far as to contact a number of fertility clinics in his local area. "My thought pattern was, honestly, 'I can't resign with a mortgage and I am clearly going to work myself to death, so I may as well help these people and maybe then I can die knowing there is a piece of me left out there on earth in anyone who takes my donation'."
But before making such a life-changing choice, Jayden knew there was more he needed to know.
Jayden said he found a huge difference between clinics available for sperm donation. "Some had a very uncomfortable vibe when visiting", Jayden said.
He explained some clinics were "converted estates with zen gardens and expensive artworks", which made him feel like he was buying in to a "money grab from the wealthy", whereas he was more interested in his donation going to a couple who might not be flush with cash.
Jayden was caught off guard not only by the feeling in his gut entering the more upmarket clinics themselves, but by the sample rooms, as well. To Jayden, the leather lounges, harp music and Penthouse magazines made the donation feel almost farcical.
It was not until he visited a local IVFAustralia clinic that he felt like there was a sense of normalcy about donating his sperm.
The nurses and doctors were real and down to earth, he said, with people dressed in jeans and t-shirts. Finally, he said, it did not feel like a surreal and robotic exchange for the elite.
"This is where I confirmed my decision and this is who I donated to", Jayden said. "They explained the entire process in detail about how my donation would impact me and the families who take my donation. This left zero doubt in my mind that I was doing a good thing."
The process to be selected as a sperm donor was long. You begin by filling out a lengthy medical questionnaire so the clinic can gauge your medical health and family genetic history, followed by an appointment with a fertility doctor and nurse who explain exactly what fertility donation is.
From there, potential donors meet with a psychologist discussing with them the reasons why they have chosen to donate to ensure the potential donors understand the lifelong ramifications of such a choice and are not just in it for the money they may receive from the donation. Jayden was not paid for any of his donations.
"They drill into you two key points that you must accept or exit the process immediately", he said. "You are not the father of the child that is born of your sperm, and the child may never contact you after they turn eighteen."
The psychologist also told him the importance of telling future partners, and most importantly, your own children, about the fact that you have donor babies. "The primary reason being the avoidance of accidental incest," he said.
According to clinic psychologists with whom Jayden spoke, donor children have a solid chance of finding other donor children due to similar upbringings. It is estimated there are about 60,000 donor-conceived people in Australia, though that number is difficult to confirm as many people are never officially recorded as donor-conceived. It is likely many do not know that they are.
Under the current law, a sperm donor is able to donate to up to ten women in Victoria and South Australia. In New South Wales and Western Australia, these laws are more strict, with donors only allowed to create a maximum of five families through their donations. Where specific laws surrounding limits do not exist, many fertility clinics have their own limits for donors to decrease the chances of incest.
If, after months of sessions with a psychologist, you decide to continue on with the process and have been selected to continue, the next step is submitting a sample of your sperm.
Jayden told news.com.au: "The collection room at the IVFAustralia clinic was exactly how you would imagine it: a small room with a sink and paper towels, a recliner chair with medical paper on it (the same material the dentist bed is made out of) and a small LCD TV screen on a swing arm connected to a USB hard drive containing adult video content".
Donor samples are tested in two ways, first to analyse sperm health and worth after coming out of a short-term freeze, then to examine after a long-term freeze.
Once the results of these samples have come in, the actual harvesting of sperm for donation begins.
"The process is really quite simple. You tell work you have a doctor's appointment at lunch so you may be a bit late coming back. You arrive at the clinic and receive your yellow-capped clear cup and a brown paper bag", Jayden explained. "You enter the room … you complete the routine you learned from 13 and have been doing for over 10 years. You hand the nurse your brown paper bag trying your best to keep a straight face. They ask you, 'did anything miss the container?' You answer. You return to work."
Jayden repeated this process five more times.
The final step in this process is to complete a questionnaire, detailing information such as your eye colour, height, blood type, medical history, family medical history, health habits and a range of questions surrounding your traits, hobbies and any advice you would like to share with your potential future donor babies.
You are asked to provide photos of yourself only up until the age of pre-puberty. In Jayden's case, it was one of himself as a newborn, one as a toddler and one at pre-puberty.
In order to get clear on all of his medical and genetic history, Jayden had to approach his parents. To this day, they still think his questions were so he could get a family genetics test. Jayden has never told his parents about his decision due to their religious beliefs, and has no plan to do so any time soon.
But when it comes to romantic relationships, that is another story. "I still don't have a very consistent romantic life eight years on so I have only told one partner", Jayden shared. "Their reaction was 'interesting'. I could see they were made uncomfortable by the prospect of a person knocking on the door in ten years saying I am their genetic father but as I am very open about the whole situation, as I was told to be, and it is already done, there really is no choice aside from acceptance of the facts or to say 'I do not want to be a part of this scenario'. The partner I told chose the route of acceptance."
Jayden knows the day may come when a grown-up donor baby knocks on his door and says he actually hopes he can meet them one day.
He has already made the choice to answer any questions they may have (upon confirming that they are, indeed, his donor child), and offer support in whatever way they may need - even if they come asking for money. He also plans to tell any children of his own, should he decide to have them, that they have half-siblings out there in the world somewhere.
Today, Jayden's donations have resulted in five children to four families; three girls and two boys, all under eight years old.
When asked if he had any advice for men considering donating their sperm, he said: "Men should donate so long as they are comfortable knowing they may be contacted eighteen years after the donation and be able to talk about what they did with current or future partners … most importantly, [recognise and accept that] any children they may have themselves as their own children will have half-siblings, a much wider family outside of their own brothers or sisters.
He added: "Fertility donation, much like every other donation, brings a tremendous amount of joy to the family and for the male donor … to be honest, there really is not much effort involved, in fact, one of the slogans at the time I saw from a clinic was "Don't waste it, donate it!"
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