Jess Dromgool was big and beautiful. She felt sexy and confident in her curves. So why did she undergo weight-loss surgery? The 27-year-old bride-to-be tells Rebecca Blithe what led to her decision.
It was the 30th pair of jeans that broke her. New Zealand's first lockdown had ended and
Jess Dromgool, 27, was looking forward to a night out with friends. But as she struggled and failed to get any of her vast collection of denim past her knees, she realised something had to change.
"I was on FaceTime crying to my mum. I said, 'I can't even go out and see my friends because of my body'. That was probably my breaking point," says the Hibiscus Coast bride-to-be.
But until that point she'd held onto the mantra "big is beautiful", bolstered by conversations around body positivity and the notion of embracing one's physique, no matter the size.
"I had created a relationship with my body where I justified being overweight," she says. "I felt confident in my curves, beautiful and confident in the body I had."
But that body, at its peak, was 110 kilograms on a 1.6m frame. With a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 44, it was starting to cause problems and restrict Dromgool's quality of life.
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"I was doing things without realising – like avoiding weighing myself or going for a walk with friends. I wouldn't wear strappy shoes, because I couldn't find ones that would fit my ankles. When I was invited out jet-skiing with a friend, I would've stayed on the beach because I wouldn't have been able to lift myself onto the jet ski. And I would have told myself, 'It's okay because I'm still out enjoying the day'."
In addition to Dromgool's challenges to wearing certain things and being active, she developed cystic acne and eczema, shin splints and lipodema, a condition that causes swelling of the limbs.
"It was painful. If I did any movement, I'd get this throbbing ache throughout my legs. And I couldn't walk around the block without my shins being in aching pain and having to come home and ice them. Bless my little heart, I tried. I really tried to do those things that should come with ease to people," says Dromgool, who had also taken up F45 but after two years found she'd only lost 3kg.
As Dromgool came to realise, "being the big girl meant I was in constant pain. It meant I could barely walk up my stairs without puffing and panting. It meant being in a state of distress every time I got dressed and seeking connection and attention from partners who validated my body, from men telling me my body was okay the way it was.
"But the reality was I was in denial. I was morbidly obese. I was not healthy and my health was starting to deteriorate because of my weight. I believe everyone should be able to exist with confidence and happiness and I could have portrayed that I was big and happy and healthy but, for me, that wasn't the reality."
