Anxiety over sleep a real wake-up call

Worrying about sleep is keeping us awake at night. Photo / Getty Images

Lie to yourself if you want to get by on fewer hours each night.

You only need 3 hours sleep a night.

A good part of every New Zealander's day is taken up talking about sleep. Not as much as the weather, but close. We spend our mornings discussing how we slept, afternoons talking about how tired we are, then evenings discussing maybe going to bed. Coffees, teas and energy drinks all day to wake us up followed by sleeping pills, warm milks and dodgy natural remedies to get us to sleep. Sleep is a hot topic.

We spend so much of our conscious lives focused on our unconscious lives.

An article in the Herald last week on sleep consultants for sleep-deprived parents led to a bunch of social media know-it-alls calling for hardening up. Pippa Wetzell fired back with a common sense pro-parental sleep rant on Seven Sharp.

Sleep sleep sleep. So much talk about sleep.

Is it the constant talking about sleep that's stressing us out and stopping us sleeping?

Don't get me wrong, I'm pro sleep. Anyone who's seen a person three days into a P bender knows how essential it is. When the line between dreams and reality becomes blurred you want to hide the sharp things. No sleep at all is terrible.

However if you don't get your allotted hours, yabbing about to anyone who'll listen doesn't help. It's boring and it could be making your problem worse.

A recent study "Placebo Sleep Affects Cognitive Functioning" in the Journal of Experimental Psychology suggested it's more to do with how you perceive your sleep than how good it actually was. Some of the study participants who were monitored said they had a great sleep when they hadn't and others said they had a terrible sleep when they'd had a great sleep. Those who believed they had had a great sleep did well on cognitive tests those who didn't did poorly. Placebo!

I have gone one step further and started lying to myself about sleep and it's working.

For the last 18 months my job has required me to get up at 4:30am. Which isn't easy as I like to stay up after the kids have gone to bed. Hanging out with the Mrs, watching movies, playing video games maybe a few drinks. When I finally turn off the light I'll spend another hour or so reading pointless crap on my iPhone. Followed by an hour with my eyes closed worrying about my life. It's a great routine which I'm not willing to give up. The downside is being completely shagged all the time.

The first question anyone asks you when they hear you're in Breakfast radio is "Jesus, what time do you get up?" followed by "Whoa you must be tired". You get into a circle of focusing on how sleepy you are.

You become a whingeing whining yawning hunched wraith.

That was me until I read the placebo sleep study. (Well the headline and half the first paragraph). It changed my life. Since then I just tell myself I had a great sleep no matter what.

It's easy. Simply jump out of bed in the morning, force yourself to smile and yell, "I had a great sleep." Keep repeating that in the shower, into the mirror, in the car in the lift. People will ask you "How did you sleep?" You say "Great, amazing, never better", then quickly walk away before they start going on about their terrible night.

Before you know it, not only are you avoiding boring sleep conversations, you feel great. You feel smarter, stronger and more handsome. Better still you'll have extra time for video games, socialising and late-night worrying about your mortality. I'm getting by on 3 hours a night and I feel great.

Lie to yourself and become a better person.

(Warning: non peer-reviewed anecdotal self-experiment, doesn't work on hangovers, you may come across as a bit of a dick yelling "I had a great sleep" all the time).