Anna Reeve: Enjoying the last firsts

Anna Reeve with husband Jay and twins Oscar and Hunter. Photo / Supplied

COMMENT:

Oscar and Hunter are "all grown up".

Recently I have found myself holding on to the boys in a hug that little bit longer, smelling their hair and holding their hand as I sit next to them.

I'm quietly freaking out at how grown up they suddenly seem. They start school in the new year! My babies are most definitely not babies, nor toddlers, any more and it breaks my heart. Why? Because I spent a good deal of time wishing time away when they were younger.

We went through so many rough patches with the boys with non-stop crying with reflux and collic, my mental health and then the relentless tiredness that comes from looking after twins who like to get up to mischief. It was hard and I heard all the older twin mums saying it got easier. I couldn't wait ...

Now it is here. They are "easier" but they are all grown up, and they are my first and LAST babies. I'm sad that all those first smiles, first laughs, first steps, first words ... you get the drift, are also my last firsts.

The day I wave my gorgeous boys off at the school gate is the last time I'll do that and the start of my new normal, not having my kids to myself whenever I want.

Oscar and Hunter. Photo / Supplied

It's so weird thinking that I only had one pregnancy but ended up with two babies and I won't get to do any of it over again. I'm not sure if this makes sense to everyone but I feel grief over it.

Those firsts makes me smile from the centre of my soul but then the sadness can hit that that fleeting moment has come and gone and there are no other subsequent baby nuggets on the way to give me a second time round. No learning from my mistakes like soaking that baby time up.

I know I have a lifetime of firsts to look forward to with both the boys, but those ones that seem to happen in the first few years of their lives feel the most precious right now and I miss them.

I may sound like maybe I want another child, we seriously thought about it six months ago, but came to the conclusion that our family of four is perfect.

It just goes way too damn fast. So mamas, soak it in! Because before you know it they will be all grown up and you will miss those moments of sweet baby breath, hot and misty, as they snuggle into you.