NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Alan Duff: The French - it's complicated

Alan Duff
By Alan Duff
NZ Herald·
25 Jan, 2016 08:36 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

There is no such thing as 'going Dutch' when it comes to paying for dinner. The person who invited you takes care of the bill. Photo / Getty Images

There is no such thing as 'going Dutch' when it comes to paying for dinner. The person who invited you takes care of the bill. Photo / Getty Images

Alan Duff
Opinion by Alan DuffLearn more

Here are a few reasons why the French are different to us. At dinner the other night, our French friend's Aussie wife asked what gave him the right to hold up traffic in stopping somewhere inconvenient to pick her up. "Is someone else's time more valuable than mine?

Let them wait." Come to New Zealand to see fingers and clenched fists and even road rage in response.

Another French couple explained supermarket check-out behavioural code. Like the woman who remembers she's forgotten something so everyone behind her has to wait or change cashiers. "Yes? So this is a problem? You have a country to run, perhaps?

Someone will die if you are delayed several minutes? When it's our turn at the cashier we'll take as long as we like." This is France.

The chatty little old lady syndrome is observed at every bakery (boulangerie). The queue as often as not goes out into the street. Old gal doesn't care.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Doesn't consider that other people are waiting. Nor will the bakery owner try to rush her.

In fact, the owner will engage with the woman. And you must wait. If she feels like chatting for several minutes, no one would think to object.

It is expected to be late for a dinner date, yet not for an appointment with a professional person. Being poured a drink on arrival is never done.

You wait for some magical social moment and, if other invited guests haven't arrived, then not until they do. And don't ever expect a spontaneous party to happen. The Frogs don't party or even spill over like us, but they take an interminable time to say goodnight.

In a strike-ridden country, you'd think this would reflect a nation of laid-back layabouts. Not so. They're a busy lot, the French. The trains and planes and buses run on time. Buildings go up in no time.

Discover more

Opinion

Chris Rattue: Time to give up on the Sunwolves

24 Jan 03:07 AM
Lifestyle

Why is Japan obsessed with cats?

25 Jan 02:15 AM
Tourism

Kiwis deprive themselves of holidays

25 Jan 03:54 AM
Opinion

Alan Duff: Disputes bring out beast in all of us

02 Feb 06:28 PM

My wife and I will see the rapid progress of some building project as we bike past it most days. In a year or so there's a finished block of 10 or 50 apartments with a for sale sign up.

The French are the most productive nation in the European Union, as well as having the most strikes. How? They are a contradiction.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Some years ago, the publican of an Irish pub described his French male customers as "scarf-wearing tightwads who count their change out from a little purse and never buy a round". I was appalled to think this might be true but only recently had this apparent tight-fistedness explained.

"They don't buy a round for, say, a group of six or even four, as they don't drink like Irish or Anglo-Saxons or southern Antipodeans." We buy a round when it's our turn because we expect to have four or six drinks, whatever the number might be.

Not the French. He might have one. Or six. He decides how many, not social pressure.

If you're invited to someone's house for dinner, it is not necessary to take a bottle. Appreciated, yes. But you are not obligated.

Personally, I can't do that. We all know - and mildly despise - those who never bring a bottle. At a restaurant, going "Dutch" is rare. The person who invited you pays, awkward though that is for us: "You are my guests." No further explanation is needed.

Speaking of Dutch, they are notorious for being the most miserable spenders in any holiday location they go.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

But it is their culture to be extremely frugal. Just as the Chinese are great savers and Kiwis are not. Yet a Chinese person will spend several thousand dollars on a brand-name handbag, which some may consider stupid.

Yet the same woman who considers it stupid is putting an extra spare rib on your plate at her restaurant. It's cultural.

I got an email from Terry M, an old mate in Rotorua, saying, "I caught two beauties. Both five-pounders." Being trout, which he smoked for his son to take back to the Gold Coast.

It's what Kiwis - and Maori in particular - do: give food as a tribute to family and friends. A feed of crays, paua, mussels, bacon bones, a piece of wild pork, watercress, rewana bread. It's the culture.

Pacific Islanders feel obligated to give money to both their family and their church. It's non-negotiable. The French, on the other hand, have "a complicated relationship with money", according to my new French pal.

"Giving away money could be seen as showing off or taking away the recipient's dignity." It might also mean a culture of meanness. Which matters, or it doesn't.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

18 Jun 12:00 AM
Premium
Lifestyle

UK sculptor claims NZ artwork copied his design, seeks recognition

17 Jun 10:23 PM
New Zealand

Wapiti burger takes Rotorua eatery to Wild Food Challenge final

17 Jun 08:58 PM

Sponsored: Embrace the senses

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

I thought I was a ‘moderate’ drinker until I started tracking my alcohol

18 Jun 12:00 AM

Telegraph: Many of us are prone to wishful thinking when it comes to our alcohol intake.

Premium
UK sculptor claims NZ artwork copied his design, seeks recognition

UK sculptor claims NZ artwork copied his design, seeks recognition

17 Jun 10:23 PM
Wapiti burger takes Rotorua eatery to Wild Food Challenge final

Wapiti burger takes Rotorua eatery to Wild Food Challenge final

17 Jun 08:58 PM
Premium
How to tackle your to-do list if you struggle with executive functioning

How to tackle your to-do list if you struggle with executive functioning

17 Jun 06:00 PM
Help for those helping hardest-hit
sponsored

Help for those helping hardest-hit

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP