I hate direct conflict.
I find it impossible to tell people I'm angry with them. Instead, I just vent to anyone else who will listen (and several who won't).
Likewise, if people try to engage me in an argument (about my own feelings - I'm quite happy to argue hypothetical
issues) I simply shut down and will not respond.
I daresay it is not the best way to deal with things, but that is my conflict style.
I am an avoider.
I had never really considered my 'conflict style' until a friend emailed me with a question.
She asked whether couples have to have compatible fighting styles to last long-term.
"Is there any way to really agree to disagree?"
Intrigued, but clueless, I began googling the issue.
It seems she is on to something.
Vast amounts of research have been done looking into relationships and conflict - too much to be summarised in this blog.
The general consensus seems to be that some conflict is part of any healthy relationship; but there is good fighting and there is bad fighting.
My question is this: How do you know if you're doing it correctly?
Do you actually have to resolve every issue or, as my friend asks, is it really possible to agree to disagree?
Doesn't that just lead to harboured resentment, which will rear its ugly head the next time you argue?
And if your conflict styles are not compatible, can you learn to change them? Or are they an innate quality?
Having opened this mental can of worms, I now have more questions than answers.
If compatible conflict styles are key to a successful relationship, how do you know what to look for in a partner?
Should you try and start an argument early in the piece as a test run?
Good lord, I am confused. And rambling.
Best I end this diatribe now.
Perhaps someone out there could shed some light?
