Adoptive mum's emotional open letter to stranger who judged her for 'spoiling' her child

A mother accused of 'spoiling' her child has penned an emotional open letter. Photo / 123rf

Adoptive mum Kelly Dirkes has penned an emotional open letter to a stranger who shamed her in a public place for "spoiling" her child.

The woman says she was doing her weekly shop at Target, in the US, while carrying her baby daughter, when a stranger told her she would "spoil that baby" and the girl would "never learn to be independent".

Dirkes says she did not respond to the woman at the time but the comment hurt her deeply so she felt the need to address it later.

She took to Facebook to write an open letter to the woman who approached her in the store.

"Dear Woman in Target," she began.

"I've heard it before, you know. That I 'spoil that baby'. You were convinced that she'd never learn to be 'independent'. I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping.

"If you only knew what I know.

"If you only knew how she spent the first 10 months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.

"If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time--fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror. No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

"If you only knew that she would lay in her crib after waking and never cry--because up until now, no one would respond.

"If you only knew that anxiety was a standard part of her day, along with banging her head on her crib rails and rocking herself for sensory input and comfort.

"If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly "independent" --and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams 'trauma' and 'not safe'.

"If you only knew what I know.

"If you only knew that that baby now whimpers when she's put down instead of when she is picked up.

"If you only knew that that baby 'sings' at the top of her lungs in the mornings and after her nap, because she knows that her chatter will bring someone to lift her out of her crib and change her diaper.

"If you only knew that that baby rocks to sleep in her Mama's or her Papa's arms instead of rocking herself.

"If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted.

"If you only knew what I know.

"'Spoiling that baby' is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer--or as long as she'll let me--because she is learning that she is safe. That she belongs. That she is loved.

"If you only knew..."

Dear Woman in Target- I've heard it before, you know. That I "spoil that baby". You were convinced that she'd never...

Posted by Kelly Dirkes on Monday, 25 April 2016

The emotional post resonated with a lot of social media users who shared it widely, with 31,000 shares on Facebook alone.

Despite having been posted a couple of years ago, the post continues to spread on social media, with a number of people sharing it even today.

"That was beautiful, and brought tears to my eyes," one Facebook user said.

"Sad that it is so easy to judge others and such a challenge to open one's heart," another person commented.

Are you a parent in New Zealand? Join our parenting group on Facebook.