Victoria Beckham: pickier than your average 2-year-old. Photo / AP
Victoria Beckham: pickier than your average 2-year-old. Photo / AP
Opinion
OPINION:
In case you didn't already know, Victoria Beckham is a super healthy eater in the modern sense of the word - which is to say she consumes only steamed vegetables and fish in order to maintain a tiny body.
David mentioned his wife's one-note diet the other day andnow a chef, who catered some footballer's wedding, has let it be known that VB required a specially prepared vegetable dish (not the vegetarian menu option, are you kidding? What if it contained carbs?) and he took a dim view of that.
Ooh, what a relief it is to see people who style themselves as healthy eaters called out for what they really are, which is plain picky. We've become so used to pickiness disguised as 'the healthier-for-me alternative' that we've almost forgotten it's just the personal preference of people who take their preferences pretty seriously.
Might they consider hiding the croutons under the mango slices, just this once? Would it kill them to scrape the hollandaise off the salmon rather than behaving like it's been dipped in plutonium? Apparently so.
Do bring a bottle of wine to a gathering. Do not insist on drinking it. Photo / Kelsey Knight, Unsplash
It goes without saying that if you have a genuine food intolerance, or an allergy, then everyone must move heaven and earth to accommodate your needs. These are health concerns and there are plenty of dietary intolerances that need to be taken seriously, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about believing that having things done just the way you like them is more important than inconveniencing others.
More than that, what would have been considered terribly bad manners in the old days has been rebranded as respecting what's best for you – or that's what you tell yourself if you're a Picky.
Somewhere along the line the 'better take care of yourself' message got subverted and now an awful lot of people think asking for precisely what you want in any situation is not just normal, but healthy.
We have forgotten the difference between making the barista in the café sweat over your coffee order (flat white with oat milk but only two thirds filled up and extra hot is my preference, and I say fair enough if they are charging £3.50 and it's the high point of your day) and making micro demands in every situation we find ourselves in. Because this is certainly not just about picky eaters. If you're Picky, you're Picky across the board, and getting pickier.
In case there is any confusion, here are some examples of Unacceptable Pickiness (UP) and Acceptable Pickiness (AP):
• UP: Ringing ahead with all the foods you don't eat for any reason other than intolerance. • AP: Saying "Woah, no more deep fried donuts for me, thanks!"
• UP: Ringing ahead with stipulations for your overnight visit, eg, Jack can't sleep without a black-out curtain and a fan. • AP: Asking to sleep in separate rooms because of Jack's snoring, if your hosts have spares to spare.
• UP: Packing your own Monarch of the Glen/loo seat (probably just Prince Charles). • AP: Bringing your own anti-allergy pillow.
• UP: Bringing your own wine and then insisting on drinking it. • AP: Coming with a bottle and suggesting you try it, much later on, because you're curious to know what an English pinot noir tastes like.
• UP: Plotting your own plan for the weekend, as in "we saw there was a food festival and thought we'd do that on Saturday". • AP: Dropping in on the food festival if it fits in with your hosts.
• UP: Moving restaurant tables because you think you're not in the inner circle. • AP: Moving tables because you're next to the air conditioning.
• UP: Faffing about where you want to sit on the plane / asking to be moved because there's a baby three rows away. • AP: Faffing if you have long legs/ asking to be moved when the guy next to you orders his fourth Jack Daniels.
It is of course fine to absolutely suit yourself but try doing it in your own house, mostly.
