NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

4 alternatives to a mountain of toys

By Lindsey M. Roberts
Washington Post·
1 Dec, 2017 11:00 PM6 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

As minimalism grows in popularity, more parents embracing the call for less stuff and more time together. Photo / 123RF

As minimalism grows in popularity, more parents embracing the call for less stuff and more time together. Photo / 123RF

When family life counselor Kim John Payne published "Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids" in 2009, he was warning us about how our supersize lives were affecting our kids.

He was seeing kids who were unable to play by themselves in rooms full of toys, throwing frequent tantrums caused by overscheduling, and being diagnosed with behavioral disorders they didn't have. He knew something needed to change.

"The too much, too soon, too sexy, too young — it's become ubiquitous," he says.

It turns out he was onto something with that "less is more" approach, particularly when it comes to holiday toys. Each year, as minimalism grows in popularity, Payne sees more parents embracing the call for less stuff and more time together, report Washington Post.

For a few ideas on how to give children more meaningful gifts this year, we talked to Payne, as well as a lifestyle blogger inspired by simplicity parenting, a mother of seven who recently downsized her life, an author of parenting books and a psychologist who studies gift giving. Here are their suggestions.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The gift of less

Erin Boyle, creator of the site Reading My Tea Leaves and author of the book "Simple Matters," gets more questions about her posts on her gifting strategy for children than almost anything else. She likes to follow the idea of giving just four presents: one gift kids want, one gift to read, one gift to wear and one gift they need. (Substitute a category for "do" if you want to include an experience.)

"We are [our children's] guides," says Boyle, who lives in New York City. "So if we show excitement over chocolate in a stocking, they're not going to look around the room for more things."

She suggests starting a minimalist gifting strategy at a young age — her children are 3 and 10 months — and spreading the word to friends and family.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"Messaging from the beginning is important, having super-frank conversations with family and friends, and being willing to be a little weird. . . . If simplicity is your goal, it's possible." If loved ones don't adhere to your plan, you should still be gracious about all gifts received, she notes.

"Say 'thank you' and then decide over time if it's something you want to keep in your house," she says.

The gift of experience

While on a mission trip to Africa last Christmas, Jennifer Pepito and her family of nine decided that they wanted to downsize their lives and devote more resources to traveling.

The founder of the Peaceful Press, a company that creates a curriculum for home-school families, Pepito didn't want to buy her kids even more toys that she'd step on or need to pick up.

Discover more

Lifestyle

Would you change to a minimalist life?

09 Mar 07:00 PM

After deciding to focus on experiences rather than things, she and her husband sold their house in California and bought a smaller fixer-upper.

They saved enough money on housing and property taxes to take a trip again for the holidays this year, to Italy for two weeks.

On Christmas, she'll have small gifts for the kids: pajamas, used books and travel toys, such as card games and maybe a Kindle or two. But the real gift is seeing the world together.

Her Christmas budget includes enough room for "gelato, bread, pizza, more bread, wine and museum entrance fees," she says.

And experience gifts don't have to be big, costly trips. Karen Pine, a professor at the University of Hertfordshire in Britain who studies the psychology of gift giving, says that "more than anything, kids love attention from their parents and time together."

Pool the money spent on gifts and put it toward an experience that everyone can enjoy.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Try a day hike with dad or a weekend with mom doing an activity the child chooses. Also consider flipping the giving, encouraging kids to give parents experiences, such as an outing or a morning of gardening together.

The gift of giving

Try creating a family ritual around giving. Jenn Mann, author of "The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids," and her family celebrate Hanukkah. Their first-night tradition is that each of her children gets three pieces of paper with a description of a charity she thinks they might like. They get to choose which one they want to give to.

"It's good to get kids thinking outside of their own wants and needs, especially during the holidays," she says. "These kinds of rituals bring families closer together and send really positive messages to kids."

For Christmas, this could be done with a wrapped box for older kids with a few charities inside for them to choose from. If you want to give a charitable gift to others, make sure it's a cause the recipient cares about.

To learn more about a charity you are considering supporting, check out Charity Navigator (charitynavigator.org).

The gift of an activity

"Give them something that they can pour their creativity into," Payne says. "A toy that is fairly simple, that doesn't do very much, that is in itself fairly plain."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

He likes to give kids a box of five big pieces of dyed muslin cloth, perhaps including one that is shiny and another that is dark. Kids turn these into houses, princess gowns, "all manner of things . . . that provide hours of play," he says. "The plainer the toy, the simpler the toy, the more creative the play and then the more collaborative the play."

It's an idea that Payne's simplicity parenting coaches have seen work well around the world. For older kids, Payne suggests a guitar, basketball backboard, or even the building materials and tools to make a bike or skateboard ramp.

It's normal for kids in other countries to have tool kits to play and work with, or their own workshop areas. Gifts such as these have more longevity than the latest "it" toy or gadget and can inspire confidence and nurture talent in children.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

Exactly what long car journeys do to your body

18 Jun 08:00 PM
Royals

Princess Kate unexpectedly cancels appearance at Royal Ascot

18 Jun 06:57 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business

18 Jun 05:00 PM

Sponsored: Embrace the senses

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Exactly what long car journeys do to your body

Exactly what long car journeys do to your body

18 Jun 08:00 PM

Telegraph: The science behind road trip fatigue and how to combat it.

Princess Kate unexpectedly cancels appearance at Royal Ascot

Princess Kate unexpectedly cancels appearance at Royal Ascot

18 Jun 06:57 PM
Premium
Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business

Society Insider: Property titan’s luxury car storage club; Eric Watson’s son launches MDMA business

18 Jun 05:00 PM
Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

Watch: Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge final returns to Auckland after 11 year hiatus

18 Jun 06:32 AM
Help for those helping hardest-hit
sponsored

Help for those helping hardest-hit

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP