Face up to the fact that Christmas won't be perfect.
Unannounced vegan guests? Interfering in-laws and party bores? We consult the experts to find the best solutions to your last-minute Christmas SOS calls.
Why do we do it to ourselves? The endless to-do lists, mountains of presents, unavoidable social occasions – and unrealistically high expectations for Christmas Day itself.
The average person will spend an entire working week preparing for Christmas – only to find big day doesn't go perfectly. A survey by meal-kit delivery service Hello Fresh found six out of 10 hosts have messed up the main meal.
Life coach Nicky Clinch urges calm and reflection ahead of the most hectic few days of the year.
"See Christmas for what it really is; a time to come together as a family, away from our busy daily lives," she says.
Mea while, Dr Pixie McKenna, a GP and television presenter, recommends we focus on eating well, doing a little exercise and trying not to drink too heavily – if we don't look after ourselves, we will succumb to a Christmas lurgy.
And if you want to rock this party season, get to bed on time, explains sleep expert McKenna.
"It's the lack of sleep that brings us down at Christmas," she says. "Tiredness makes us more anxious, argumentative and less able to enjoy being with loved ones." And much more likely to spoil the sprouts.
To make your festive season easier, we've asked a panel of experts to solve your Christmas SOS conundrums – from turkey dilemmas to festive wardrobe malfunctions and Yuletide etiquette.
Tips from Allegra McEvedy, chef-patron of London's Albertine Wine Bar & Restaurant.
1. I've just found out one of the guests is vegan. What do I cook?
Root veg coarsely mashed together with chestnuts to make a scrumptious bubble-esque patty affair. Call on the world of Christmas spices: cloves, cinnamon, star anise and so on to give it a bit of seasonal festiveness and serve with some kind of brassica, livened up with a scattering of crushed almonds. Oh, and finish your roast parsnips with maple syrup, not honey, as the latter is not vegan.
2. My mother-in-law won't let me help her with Christmas dinner. How do I pitch in without treading on her toes?
It's a toughie. If she really wants to exert herself as the matriarch, don't get in her way. Bring the cheese, thus avoiding a potentially ignitable culinary showdown with your wife/husband's affection as the perceived prize. After lunch get stuck into the washing up… just don't be putting it away in the wrong cupboards.
3. What do I serve for breakfast on Christmas Day with minimum effort and maximum impact?
Eggs are the key. Not fried – there'll be enough grease later, so I'd go for scrambled or, if you're good at them, poached. Alongside, smoked eel (which manages to taste like both smoked salmon and bacon) with a handful of watercress. A glass of crisp sparkling wine on the side.
4. Do canapes make you fat?
Some of the most delicious canapes can be a little lardy, but they're so small who cares? Just don't eat too many if you're going for dinner – there's nothing more annoying for a host than your guests shying away from that much-slaved-over main course.
5. We're bored of mince pies – but there are loads left. Can we make them more interesting?
Stack them up like a champagne fountain, and flambé them like a Christmas pudding.
6. How long does cold turkey really keep for? And what do I do with it after Christmas?
A full week from the day of cooking. As soon as you can be bothered (you don't need to be sober) strip all the meat from the bones and get the stock on. For truly, the only reason to roast a turkey is the rich stock it makes. Eat the cold meat in a sandwich with chipotle ketchup and iceberg lettuce (flavour and texture – the two things turkey lacks).
Tips from Lucy Hume, associate director of Debrett's, a coaching company on modern etiquette.
7. Any genius seating plan ideas to make Christmas lunch run smoothly?
Draw it up in advance, focusing on maximum enjoyment and minimum friction. Impose yourself in potential trouble spots to act as peacemaker (or strategically place the known diplomats).
8. I wouldn't be seen dead in the jumper my husband/mother/grandparent has given me. Can I ask them to return it?
Not only do you have to pretend to like it (and thank him effusively), you also have to wear it in front of him on at least one occasion. After that, donate it to a charity shop.
9. My brother-in-law/sister/daughter hasn't opened their wallet since they got to our house four days ago. How does one politely ask them to chip in?
If you're hosting, the onus is on you to foot the bill, but good guests will bring a contribution of food or wine, and may insist on taking you out for a meal, too.
10. I'm hosting Christmas this year; how do I stop a family member from taking over?
Stay one step ahead. Prepare a watertight itinerary, with precise timings for present-opening, the meal, and a walk. Ask another guest to keep the family member occupied, with their glass charged at all times.
11. One of the guests has a sprig of parsley between her front teeth. How do I tell her?
Spare her prolonged embarrassment and speak up. In cases of food in teeth and wardrobe malfunctions in public places, guests would much rather you had a word in their ear than them continuing to have egg on their face.
12. Am I really expected to write thank you letters on behalf of my 9-month-old baby? And what age should my children be writing their own?
Yes, you should write thank you letters for your children before they are able to write their own. Once they are able to put pen to paper, encourage them to do so. Emails and text messages are better than no thanks at all, but a handwritten letter shows you've put real thought in.
13. I'm stuck talking to a bad-breath bore at a Christmas drinks do – how can I escape?
Three ways: foist them off on the party host, who should know a better conversation partner; excuse yourself to make a phone call (and then truly make a phone call); spot someone across the room with whom you need to have a private chat (and then truly have a private chat with said person).
14. My mother's present cost twice as much as my mother-in-law's and we're spending Christmas together – I don't think she'll realise but if she does, how should I play it?
Cost shouldn't matter when it comes to presents, but if you bought your mother-in-law a pair of woollen socks while your mother gushes over her cashmere sweater, your mother-in-law might feel hard-done-by. To compensate, emphasise the thought that went into choosing her present: "I know how cold your feet get when gardening", or "I thought that shade of blue would really suit you".
Tips from Carolyn Asome, brand consultant and fashion writer.
15. How can I make my presents look as if they have been professionally wrapped without being artistic or creative or investing in designer paper or fancy ribbons?
Pleat the paper and then seal with stickers. This is what they do in designer shops and the results look elegant in a really understated, no-fuss way.
16. I've run out of time – is okay to give vouchers and cash for Christmas?
Yes. But you could also make this more personal by making your own vouchers and wrapping them up in boxes and ribbon so that there is still the unwrapping element.
17. My daughter-in-law disapproves of the presents I give my grandchildren. What will get me in to her good books?
Get a steer from her. Experiences rather than things go down well with me; riding lessons or a fun day out somewhere. Or try a good book.
18. What do I give someone I am meeting for the first time or don't know very well?
Generally the most foolproof presents are elevated, luxury versions of the things we use every day. What about a bright ceramic bottle of olive oil and a beautiful panettone?
19. We're staying with several families over Christmas – what is the perfect house gift?
Table linen is always a hit. Or a bespoke hamper with wine, food and kitchen accessories.
Tips from Twig Hutchinson, interiors and fashion blogger.
20. The family is arriving and I want our house looking at its best. How can I create a festive atmosphere with minimum effort?
Place huge bowls of mandarins, figs and pomegranates on surfaces; tie a huge bow around potted poinsettia and use candles for festive sparkle.
21. The dress code is Christmas cheer… what do I wear?
Chic not corny is the order of the day here so steer clear of any Bridget Jones jumpers.
Plus, it's summer, so we should make our own traditions that reflect the Kiwi Christmas season.
For women, I'd go for a floral dress with oversized earrings, or a sequin top, and black skirt and a pair of high sandals.
For men, try a festive-coloured, short-sleeved shirt, unbuttoned, with a white T-shirt underneath, and chino shorts.
Tips from Nicky Clinch, transformational life coach.
22. I can't stop cringing about the idiot I made of myself at the office Christmas party. How do I redeem myself?
Don't beat yourself up or hide; forgive yourself and let it go. Christmas is a time of fun – if you laugh at yourself and lighten up about the whole thing, your positive and joyful attitude will be infectious.
23. How do I get my over excited brood to sleep when they go to bed on Christmas Eve?
Short answer is – you can't. If they believe in Father Christmas, though, tell them he won't come until everyone is in bed asleep. This usually works.
24. I'm useless with children but I'm going to be surrounded by nieces and nephews all Christmas. How can I get them on side?
Don't fake it. The more you are yourself around them, the more they will relax. Play, get silly, let go of your inhibitions and rediscover your inner child – then you will earn their trust.
25. How do you stop your primary school-aged children becoming super brats when faced with a mountain of presents?
Caging a wild animal is only going to cause more pain! Manage your own expectations: children go crazy on Christmas morning. If you really can't handle the brattishness, limit the number of presents you put out. You can create a treasure hunt with the other ones or use them as rewards for good behaviour.
26. At what point over Christmas does it become okay to discipline the child of another family member or friend?
This is difficult territory. Most parents won't like it. Where you can, try to turn a blind eye and where you can't, have a quiet word with the parents before wading in yourself.
27. How do I get through Christmas with my husband without actually killing each other?
Face up to the fact that Christmas won't be perfect. Have an open, honest conversation about what you both need over the holidays; give each other space and agree to try and be friends.
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