"Get my wife's name out of your f****** mouth" screamed Will Smith to Chris Rock in one of the most awkward moments in Oscars history. Video / TVNZ
Will Smith wrote in his memoir that feeling like a coward is his "most violent trigger" - which may explain why he slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars.
In his book Will, which was released last November, he admitted that seeing his father beat up his mother when he wasa child "defined who I am today more than any other moment", reports the Daily Mail.
And the actor revealed that he "always thought of myself as a coward" for failing to step in and defend his mother.
Smith described his father as a "violent alcoholic", adding that he had considered suicide because of his shame at failing to stand up to him.
His admissions shed new light on his actions at the Oscars yesterday, which shocked the world.
Smith slapped Chris Rock on stage after the comedian made a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith's bald head - in fact, her shaved head is due to alopecia.
In the unscripted moment, Smith approached the comedian on stage and slapped him with his right hand.
While his actions have divided viewers and commentators, with some defending him and some calling for his Oscar Best Actor win to be revoked, his memoir helps explain his actions.
Viewers looked on in shock as Smith told Rock: "Keep my wife's name out of your f***ing mouth."
Not long after taking to the stage to slap Chris Rock, Will Smith returned to accept his Best Actor award. Photo / Getty Images
In his memoir, Smith wrote that when his rap career began to fail, being pushed out by his long-time collaborator DJ Jazzy Jeff "activated my most violent trigger".
He wrote: "I'd been fighting all my life not to be a coward."
He traced back that hurt to watching his father hurt his mother when he was a child, leaving him haunted by guilt.
Smith wrote that he "always thought of myself as a coward" for not intervening.
He recalled one episode in particular when he was just 9 years old, watching as his father "punched my mother on the side of her head so hard that she collapsed".
"I saw her spit blood. That moment, in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment, has defined who I am today," he wrote.
"Within everything I have done since then – the award and accolades, the spotlights and the attention, the characters and the laughs, there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day.
"For failing her in that moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward."
