What made the Pope swear off telly for good?

Which classic 90s show made the Pope swear off TV for life?

Pope Francis hasn't watched TV since 1990!

He says it was after he made a promise to the Virgin Mary, but I'm sure there was an earthly reason too, perhaps he was disappointed by a show, once loved perhaps, but now so awful that he made the ultimate sacrifice?

Was it Dallas, I wonder, which ran from 1978 - 1991? Dallas certainly stretched credibility to such limits that many viewers bailed out before the end. Perhaps it was when they replaced Miss Ellie with a different actor and thought we wouldn't notice?

I doubt it was M*A*S*H, which would no doubt have been on re-run in Argentina at the time. Everyone loves M*A*S*H, and it has a strong Catholic presence in the form of Father Mulcahy. Then again, Mulcahy was more effeminate than the macho vibe that Francis embodies. Or was Francis just too turned on by "Hot Lips" Houlihan?

There is of course an episode of Happy Days that arouses suspicions, when Fonzy jumped a shark in a giant para-pool, on his small-man's motorbike. It's the reason that people use the phrase 'jumping the shark" to this very day, but I think Francis would have liked Fonzy, as he's a bit of a Fonzy himself.

Likewise ALF also raises suspicions, for chronological and theological reasons. The puppet-based sit-com finished its run in 1990. ALF was an alien, (ALF stands for Alien Life Form) which is a problem for those wedded to the whole God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost carry on. There is no space for residents of Melmac, ALF's home planet, in any of the testaments. And to top it off, the family smelled of white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestantism.

But as much as I try to imagine the Pontiff wolfing down the last slice of pizza, watching the credits roll on ALF, and then suddenly falling to his knees declaring his pledge of abstinence to the Virgin Mary, it doesn't really ring true does it?

Perhaps it was Wiseguy, which also coincidentally ended in 1990? Maybe he thought TV would never be as good again? Wiseguy was very, very, good, and Catholic in so much as all mafia infused shows are Roman and biblical in nature. Ken Wahl was brilliant and very manly as Vinne Terranova, the undercover FBI agent. His grumpy boss, played by the wonderful Jonathan Banks of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul fame, was very much a 'God the father' like figure. It would have seemed possible that TV could never get better than this classic, which boasted guest stars like Kevin Spacey and Stanley Tucci. It even boasted a brooding title theme by the legendary Mike Post.

Perhaps the Pope checked out after the episode called Blood Dance, which was listed by the TV guide as the 14th best episode of all time, in it's list of 100?

In the same way that cars haven't really changed much in a hundred years, TV hasn't really got much better since 1990, well, not much better than Wiseguy at least. Perhaps that was the show, or maybe there was a sadder reason.

Maybe he was watching an episode of The Cosby Show when he turned to the Virgin Mary? Bill Cosby's mega hit sit-com still had two years to run in 1990, but the warning signs might have been visible to the keen eye of the religious leader, someone used to dealing with sexual predators. Perhaps he knew that one day Bill would be famous for his latest show, Drugged Women Say The Darndest Things?

What I do know is that whatever it was that turned Francis off, it's a crying shame that he has missed a series I know he would have loved. It is one of the best comedies of all time. It is Catholic as all get out.

I can't believe he has not received the blessings of the divine comedy called Father Ted. Pizza, holy wine, and a box set of Father Ted, I do hope Francis gets that earthly pleasure before he returns to dust.

- nzherald.co.nz