Movies:
The Witches
If there is anything scarier than a woman with purple eyes and square toes, it's probably a child who gets trapped in a painting until she dies of old age. Lucky for you, both of these things can be found in The Witches, the Roald Dahl adaptation that has been terrifying children and adults alike since 1990. Starring Angelica Huston in by far her strongest nose role, it's a surrealist nightmare of when a weekend conference gone terribly wrong. Get your bald caps out, it's a goodie. / AC
Where: TV2 at 8.05pm Saturday
The Shining
The Shining. Photo / YouTube
Straight after the spooky hotel of The Witches, stick around for the spooky hotel that Jack built. Well, not built. Lives in. Comfortably, in a definite crazy-free zone. The hypnotic Stanley Kubrick 1980 classic is a must-see this Halloween. Sure it's got your ghosts, your scary twins and your blood-filled corridors, but it's also got something even scarier - a regular human who just absolutely loses the plot. A terrifying prospect, made even more terrifying by Jack Nicholson's eyebrows and skillful door deconstruction. Just goes to show - you should never leave anyone alone for too long with a typewriter. Or an axe. / AC
Where: TV2 at 9.55pm Saturday
Free to Air Shows:
Our Big Blue Backyard
Our Big Blue Backyard.
If Jaws, Piranha 3D or even Finding Nemo is your own particular kind of Halloween hell, then Our Big Blue Backyard will scare your water booties off. For everyone else, this looks to be an eye-opening cruise through New Zealand's most beautiful marine reserves. The first of a six-part series premieres on Sunday, moving from the top of the North Island all the way south. Get to know some seals, some sea slugs and some dolphins up close and personal. But remember, it is Halloween - look out for ghost ships! (Please note that there may not be any actual ghost ships featured in the final cut of the programme) / AC
Where: TV1 at 7.30pm Sunday
Sports:
Georgie Pie Super Smash - North versus South T20
Sports doesn't really go in for Halloween-related action, so the only spooky inference I can really draw here is the terrifying contents of Georgie Pies - who can hand on heart say they know what weird mess of unloved animal byproduct is in those things? At least they're propelling something worthwhile here: the return of our beloved inter-island rivalry, the venerable North versus South game. One game of T20 will definitively prove once and for all which chunk of dirt is better. Because while we're united by law, language and Lion Red, deep down we really, really hate everyone on the other island, right? / DG
Where: Sky Sport 4 at 7pm Friday
NZ TV:
Sensing Murder
Sensing Murder psychic Kelvin Cruickshank. Photo / NZPA
Let the chills continue this weekend with New Zealand's premiere psychics-solving-crimes series. I don't actually think a spirit medium has yet to cracked a New Zealand cold case - it's weird that those chatty ghosts always hold back the essential information like 'who is the murderer' or 'where do they live'. You'd think they'd be chomping at the bit for their crimes to get solved? Join mediums Kevin Cruickshank, Sue Nicholson and Deb Webber as they hold the photographs of dead people and walk into the middle of a field saying "it's somewhere round here." Scary things to look out for include: Cruickshank's ever-tightening pounamu necklace and Nicholson's ever-expanding halo of bright red hair with frosted tips. Chilling stuff. / AC
Where: Heartland at 9.45pm Saturday
Reality:
Killer Karaoke
It's hard to know what's stranger - that Killer Karaoke got made, or that it proved popular enough to not only get renewed, but spawned multiple international versions. The premise is that of every other singing competition: a bunch of regular humans sing the songs of other famous humans. Killer Karaoke's psychotic twist is to have them do this while enduring all manner of provocations. This week: attack dogs! Seriously. / DG
Where: TV2 at 12pm Saturday
Sky Pick:
American Horror Story: Freak Show
American Horror Story: Freak Show. Photo / Facebook
Tonight's episode of the venerable Antiques Roadshow (7pm on The Living Channel) actually sounds pretty terrifying - with "a record of early photography and a picture book painted by an invalid", scrutinised at the purportedly haunted Hampton Court Castle. But those mild chills can't compete with the raw terror induced by American Horror Story. Glee and Nip/Tuck mastermind Ryan Murphy is behind AHS, and it has a similar sickly sheen and whiplash pace as those shows. There's also a first rate cast highlighted by Jessica Lange's eerie southern discomfort. Freak Show is considered the best season since debut masterpiece 'Murder House' (available to stream on Lightbox), and tonight is part one of a Halloween special, so they'll have turned this always extreme show all the way up to 11. / DG
Where: SoHo at 7.30pm Friday
More Spinoff:
• Get your halloween costume tips from the masters at the US Office.
• Andrew Todd charts how horror went from a TV also-ran to its dominant force.
• Obsessive X-Files fan David Farrier dissects how Bryan Cranston's X-Files appearance lead to his role on Breaking Bad.
- The Spinoff
