Twelve Questions: Dominic Harvey

Dominic Harvey loves taking his Sydney silky Kanye for evening walks but frets about the dog's short lifespan. Photo / Brett Phibbs

Dominic Harvey has been in radio since he was 17. He and his wife - co-host Jay-Jay - are parents to her nephew Seven and have had IVF trials. Harvey's new book, Childhood of an Idiot, is available this week.

1. How will your mother recover from you writing about her plucking her pubic hair in the front seat of the family car in this new book?

At this point she is okay with me telling that incredibly personal story. Once the book has been out for a while and she realises she is the only person in the world to ever do this, I think the embarrassment may sink in a little. All the stories told are embarrassing but kind of funny and there's an undertone of love. And there are no-go zones: I wanted to be funny and light.

2. You've been very open with your life in the media, including about your attempts for a baby. Have you ever regretted that?

Not really. You do open yourself up for being a spokesperson or a poster boy for IVF and I'm a bit over talking about it, particularly because I feel a little bit embarrassed. I can't say to people "go on, it'll work out" because for us it hasn't. The last (attempt) was five rounds. We left no stone unturned. But you have to be realistic at some point. People say to you "keep going" and send positive messages but you have to draw a line. I think Jay-Jay came to that line after the first round. If anyone had the right to get angry, it would be Jay-Jay getting angry with me. She had to go through all the hard stuff.

3. Have you come to terms with it now?

I haven't fully adjusted. You envisage your life differently and now I don't know how the rest of my life looks.

We should be grateful because we have a family with Sev. After those last five rounds I got a mate to be a sperm donor instead. That's physically a lot easier but emotionally it was just as tough. That finished last year and I think Jay-Jay was really at the end of her tether. I'm totally having more trouble coming to terms with it. Jay-Jay wasn't fussed either way as to whether or not she had a family. To be honest, I'm not even sure I have pulled myself out of it. I run lots and keep myself real busy so I don't allow myself too much time to wallow. It's just an odd thing to try and accept that you'll never have a family of your own, especially when it was something I was looking so forward to for the second half of my life.

4. How old was Sev when he came into your life?

Four years and 11 months. We thought it would be for a couple of years while his dad was doing his jail sentence. But fairly early on it became clear that that wasn't going to be the way it would play out, though there have been moments when we wanted to send him back, ha! He's 11 now.

5. Your mum sounds kind of strict in the book. What kind of father are you?

Yeah she was strict, we never got away with anything, but it was a trickle-down kind of thing. She was raised with 13 brothers and sisters so it was strict, but it worked. Thirteen of the 14 in Mum's family are decent human beings. The 14th? He just about died a week ago in a police shootout. I suppose I am the disciplinarian in our family, because it worked for the four of us kids. It was an incredibly loving family. Most of the time it was, "Wait 'til your father gets home" and then he'd put us over the bed and give us a belt. He'd say, "This will hurt me more than it hurts you", which was utter bullshit.

6. Do you smack Sev?

Only with a hand and never a walloping. It's to get his attention really because sometimes he's had physical tantrums and you have to get him out of that spiral. Jay-Jay thinks I'm strict but I'm not really. I just think he needs a bit of structure and discipline. Jay-Jay was away for the weekend last weekend and we got shit done. After school, when he really wants to be home playing Minecraft, we walked [the dog] Kanye 5km into Ponsonby and back.

7. What were the most important things your parents taught you?

We were raised as Catholics, so they were the values we were brought up with. Dad's big slogan was "treat others as you want to be treated", which is a good one. I am an atheist now but I still believe the general message in the Bible is good: don't be an arsehole.

8. Where does your positivity come from?

I don't know. I've never been naturally good or naturally talented or anything. I've had to hustle and work at everything. That's true for both Jay-Jay and I. Neither of our families have any money or anything. We've had to do everything ourselves. Not being naturally talented forced me to work hard and work out a path for where I wanted to be. I want to teach Sev that persistence and determination, a single-minded focus.

9. Will there come a time when you're too old for The Edge?

Yes! Most definitely. In fact every time a new hip-hop song comes out about big booties I start to think I'm getting too old for the format. I mean, I appreciate a big booty as much as the next person but surely there are better subjects to be singing about. I really like what I'm doing at the moment but you do get to the point where it's a jump the shark scenario.

10. Would you move into talk radio?

I did think about talk a few years ago but it's a little depressing. People getting angry about politics and stuff.

11. What are you most fearful of?

When my phone rings and I see the number flashing on my screen is the New Zealand Herald. My heart rate accelerates and I think, "What have I done or said or tweeted now that they want to write about?" Being in 12 Questions is probably the first time I have made it in this paper for a non-controversy. The worst one? When it causes someone to be upset. A few years ago I got suspended [for writing a song about TV star Ali Mau's new lesbian relationship]. At the time I was thinking about it from a red-blooded, perverted male's perspective. It wasn't until afterwards that you think about things like her kids going to school and hearing it. She's fine now but we've never had a conversation about it. It's something I feel really bad about and I'm incredibly sorry for, but I find it really difficult to say it. I'm also fearful of being broke and failing.

12. What truly brings you joy?

It's the little things - doing stuff with Jay-Jay, whether it's wandering the lanes of Venice or sitting on the sofa watching The Block. Watching Sev grow up and do responsible things like road patrol. Taking Kanye for his evening walk. I've never been a dog person until I got him as a gift for Jay-Jay. He is a tiny Sydney silky and we adore him. It's probably a bit morbid, but even though he is still just a puppy I was thinking about his relatively short lifespan and I said to Jay-Jay, "It's gonna be so sad when he dies."