TV's top quotes - 'Like a chimp with a machine gun'

Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman in Better Call Saul. Photo / AMC

Paul Casserly rounds up the best TV quotes from April.

There is now too much TV to watch. Seriously, I can't even keep up. Perhaps I should follow the advice that a self-diagnosed "entrepreneur, founder CEO, and parent", gave recently in Forbes Magazine. The "time poor" big-noter now watches TV shows at twice the normal speed. The result is maddening, but effective, if your goal is just to get through as much content as possible, like an overachieving robot.

In the past month my eyes have been transfixed by the slow moving genius of Mad Men and Better Call Saul. In these shows I like to savor every last drop, especially in the lush darkness of the soon to end Mad Men. We tend to appreciate things when they are almost gone. Perhaps that's part of the reason I have been glued to Campbell Live, which resembles a televisual death row, brought to you by Mazda and The Sword of Damocles. Much like explosives expert and mind reader Nigel Latta, I feel I can detect the fate of the show by reading Campbell's micro-gestures and demeanour. And if the show is actually axed, I will be the first one blowing stuff up.

Some nights his aura says he is winning, other times, just minutes away from the firing squad. But the fight back and ratings surge has been magnificent; the Gloriavale coverage especially so, even if there is a danger of it becoming a witch-hunt.

Perhaps viewers have some power to change the fate of the beloved show after all. We have voted with our remotes. People have actually marched on TV3! In numbers! That hasn't happened since they mucked about with Coronation Street back in the 1990s.

So April then. Weird, busy, crazy. I know you have been watching too, but have you been paying attention? Here's what they said, with explanations below.

The quotes

1. "Never miss the chance to have sex or appear ... where?"
2. "I can go to the highlands of Papua New Guinea and see someone with a bone through his nose holding a cell phone that costs one-fifth to operate as it does in New Zealand. How does the National party explain that?"
3. "You might see some patches on the grass, they're cougar prints."
4. "You're a Prime Minister of New Zealand, not a Real Housewife of New Jersey."
5. "Her selfishness caused needless upset."
6. "Moving pictures are a fad, a waste of time and money."
7. "I've seen dead Japanese that are more cheerful than that."
8. "Sorry you are dead."
9. "Grand openings and race days only brother."
10. "Slippin' Jimmy with a law degree is like a chimp with a machine gun."

The context

1. "Never miss the chance to have sex or appear ... where?" Asked University Challenge (Prime) quizmaster Tom Conroy, regarding a quote by iconic writer/intellectual, Gore Vidal. The answer, which was quickly submitted, was of course, "Television".

2. "I can go to the highlands of Papa New Guinea and see someone with a bone through his nose holding a cell phone that costs one-fifth to operate as it does in New Zealand. How does the National party explain that?" How indeed, asked the quizmaster-general, Winston Peters, on the road to winning the Northland by-election.

3. "You might see some patches on the grass, they're cougar prints." Sky's funniest rugby commentator, Scotty 'Sumo' Stevenson, at the Blues v Highlanders game in Dunedin. He was referring to the fact that "rocking Rod Stewart" had played there earlier in the week to a mostly middle aged female crowd dressed in leopard print.

4. "You're a Prime Minister of New Zealand, not a Real Housewife of New Jersey." John Oliver gets stuck into John Key for repeatedly pulling the hair of an Auckland waitress against her wishes and paying her off with wine. Oliver's writers, on Last Week Tonight, have found NZ to be a happy hunting ground for material but inexplicably have yet to feature Winston Peters. Predictably, Oliver made a lame "bungee jumping" gag as he began an unrelenting yet sensible summation of the PM's odd behaviour. "You can't pull someone's hair for months and make it good with a bottle of wine."

5. "Her selfishness caused needless upset." Meanwhile, on another planet, Mike Hosking of Seven Sharp gets stuck into Amanda Bailey, the woman who had her hair repeatedly pulled by John Key. He went on to name the Café Owners as the "real victims".

6. "Moving pictures are a fad, a waste of time and money." A character on When We Go To War anticipates some of the reviews the show was to receive in the days following its debut on TV1.

7. "I've seen dead Japanese that are more cheerful than that." Said "Foggy" the prim old military guy, who never actually saw action, on Last of The Summer Wine. I'd forgotten how good the show actually was until I stumbled upon an all day binge session recently on Sky's Jones channel. I nearly made it through a whole episode.

8. "Sorry you are dead." A school kid on One News had perhaps the most fitting Anzac day message of all, a refreshing break from all the, "They fought to save our country" and "They died for freedom" blather that had obviously been drummed into so many others.

9. "Grand openings and race days only brother." Drug education Peaky Blinders (UKTV) style. Cocaine, (or was it speed?) is called "Toyko" by the cloth-capped gangsters, and when Tommy Shelby, (Cillian Murphy) sees brother Arthur over-indulging, he pulls him aside for the wise words. BTW "Tokyo" is cockney rhyming slang for "nose" as in Tokyo Rose. I read that with my own mince pies.

10. "Slippin' Jimmy with a law degree is like a chimp with a machine gun." "Slippin' Jimmy" is the nickname of Jimmy McGill, the Saul of Better Call Saul, a name he picked up as a small time con man before he became a lawyer.
The slow moving masterpiece, from Breaking Bad creator Vince McGill, isn't the only reason you should sign up to the 30-day free trial on Lightbox, but it is the best.

- nzherald.co.nz