* This story contains spoilers.
Cameron McMillan (a Thrones trainspotter who can always be relied upon for up-to-date statistics and random factoids. He spent the time between seasons reading all the books.):
Following beheadings, poisonings, throat slashings, Moon Door pushings and the old favourite eye popping head crusher, it seems very un-Thrones to have a character spared a gruesome death. With Mance Rayder set to be burned at the stake in the final scene of episode one, season five, Jon Snow did the King beyond the Wall a favour with an arrow to the heart just as the kindling was really starting to spark up. But it was another key death in the series that again left the viewer needing a hug - but don't make it one of those Mereen whorehouse special eunuch hugs. We've seen how those turn out.
As Tyrion told Varys, both the past and future are shit. Which bodes well for coming episodes, especially when this particular one was titled 'The Wars to Come'.
It took 41 episodes but finally it looks like Daenerys is going to link up with main Westside crew (no offence to Sers Selmy and Mormont). The eunuch and the dwarf would probably be the worst wrestling tag team gimmick of all time but in the world of Thrones they make a more formidable pairing than a king and a sorceress. Varys has a plan but no army. Stannis has an army but really no plan. You've got to admit the eunuch has balls. He risked his life and bet everything on Tyrion's taste for power and revenge - which matches his palate for Dornish red. Tyrion's brains with Daenerys' brawn could make an unstoppable pairing.
Sophie Ryan (hasn't read the books, but reckons Sansa's going to dominate this season):
It's good to be back in the Seven Kingdoms, although I get the feeling the first episode of season five is only a small taste of how broad the horizons will become this seasons. In the final episode of last season, Tyrion set the ball rolling for the downfall of his wicked sister Cersei. Cersei, sinister yet beautiful, looked in to the eyes of her cousin, and former-lover, as he seemed to hint he could reveal all the Lannister family secrets if she didn't repent for her sins. Those sins - incest and murder - would spell the end of the power Cersei has slowly been losing within King's Landing and her family.
The flashback to Cersei receiving a prophecy of how she would be usurped by a younger and more beautiful queen was an odd way to start out the episode, but did reveal that Cersei was as repulsive as a child and she is as a woman. I would be perfectly happy to watch Cersei crumble while sassy and smart Margaery Tyrell steps up to control King's Landing, with Cersei's son Tommen, this season. I'm anticipating cousin Lansel, and other members of the religious movement he called the sparrows, will have a part to play in Cersei's collapse.
Robert Smith (has read every book, watched every episode, owns several T-shirts, and spends too much time wondering who built the Seastone Chair):
This year's round of Game of Thrones began with something a little different - a look back to Cersei's childhood is the first flashback the series has used so far. While most background to the world of the show has been revealed in dialogue and exposition, the gloomy warnings of a tragic future that Cersei receives are front and centre right from the start, and set the tone for a season that promises even more grim tragedy, and not just for the Lannisters. After this opening, it's business as usual for the rest of the first episode, with the usual sudden violence, beautifully gratuitous nudity and incredibly tangled plot-lines all accounted for. There is a lot of complicated scene-setting for the first episode, as we check in on everybody, but the story is notably powering along - Sansa and Tyrion's stories are well on the way to overtaking their adventures in the books. And there is still room for some noble tragedy, with Mance Rayder fed to the flames because he wouldn't bend the knee. And as convoluted as the story gets, it's still the smallest touches, like the King Beyond The Wall's unashamed fear as the flames come closer, that make the show's return so welcome.
Karl Puschmann (Westeros newbie who, after two years stranded on page 137 of book one, packed it in to seek refuge in the telly):
For a show that revels in death, war and human misery, Game of Thrones can be incredibly funny. As befits its focus on the underhanded machinations of various power-grubbing families vying for control of the crown the humour is sly, often macabre. I guess when people's heads are being lobbed off left, right and centre, well ... you just have to laugh, don't you?
It pleases me greatly that season five has wasted no time in kicking off its comedic tone. The brilliant pairing of the manipulative "Master of Whisperers" Varys and the ex-nobleman, now outlaw, dwarf Tyrion Lannister is proving to be a comedy goldmine.
"Compassion?" Tyrion scoffs early on at an overt Varys' tactic to gain his assistance. "I killed my lover with my bare hands and I shot my own father with a crossbow." Drolly Varys replies, "I never said you were perfect".
It's great stuff. With each exchange upping the LOL ante. Their blossoming, begrudging friendship, based on a mutual distrust and an admiration for the others cunning, sees them becoming Westeros' very own odd couple.
So amongst all the other very serious moving parts of the story, as threats are made, armies assemble, and allegiances burn down in flames, there's a small buddy comedy going on.
With no other viable options remaining the duo decide to embark on a mighty quest to cross the land and join the court of wannabe Westeros conqueror Daenerys Targaryen, and her mothered dragons. Where, if they somehow manage to survive their journey, all sorts of mischief will no doubt ensue.
This all means that next week the mismatched mates will be marching themselves straight into a classic comedy situation. That's right: Road trip!
Chris Schulz (only watches Game of Thrones for scenes involving the amazing Gwendoline Christie, aka Brienne of Tarth, aka the greatest woman on Earth):
So much awks. Too much awks. Extreme awks! Who knew Game of Thrones could be this awkward? First, Jamie and Cersei Lannister sidled up to each other next to Tywin Lannister's incredibly creepy corpse - please, when I die, do not gouge my eyes out with a spoon and replace then with rocks that make me look like a Spongebob Squarepants character gone wrong - and had a conversation reeking in dodgy deja vu. (In case you forgot, crypts appear to be their thing). Then Margaery walked in on her brother Loras having illicit sex with a stranger, and acted like it was an everyday activity. I know if my sister walked in on me (hey sis!), I'd do more shouting and sheet covering than that. Finally, Brienne (yes, I will mention her every single week because she's amazing) got angry with her travelling buddy and yelled, "I am not your mother" at Pod, the poor hapless sod in need of some serious man classes. If you too found yourself making mind pictures of Tyrion trying to do number twos while jammed into that crate, it surely adds up to the most awkward episode in Thrones' heroic history. Bring on the awks, I say. I can't get enough of it.
* What did you think of Game of Thrones' fifth season debut? Post your comments below!
Dolly Parton will receive the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for her charity work.