A scene from the final episode of Game of Thrones. Photo / HBO
I hadn't been expecting that.
This sentence can apply to any of the events that played out in this relentlessly dark, grim, yet satisfying conclusion to season five. It was full of surprises and, fittingly, it was full of brutality.
More than anything this season will be remembered for its macabre enthusiasm at challenging even its most hardened viewers with scenes of cruelty and pure evil. The show's had a gruesome reputation since its beginning, but this season it really embraced it, wearing the fact as a badge of honour as it strayed from its source material to hatch into its own grizzly entertainment.
My earlier criticism about the invincibility bubble that had safely ensconced the major characters this season was, at last, well and truly popped. From Westeros to the Wall they were dropping like flies.
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There wasn't a major cliff-hanger, as such. Don't get me wrong, I was as shocked as Jon Snow at his murderous betrayal, but the episode concerned itself more with tying up its various plots and shuffling characters toward next season rather than having a single 'who shot Mr Burns?' ending.
In that regard it was almost business as usual. It's easy to imagine another episode screening next week. Though sadly, imagining the next episode is all we'll be doing until April next year. An eternity...
But it wasn't all set up for season six. There was brutal closure to Stannis and his claim to the throne. I hadn't expected his revolution to fail quite so miserably. After a mass desertion, and with nothing left to lose except the battle for Winterfell, Stannis marched his remaining loyal troops to their doom with sombre determination.
Ramsay Bolton's gambit, as outlined last week, to charge the weary troops as soon as they were within eyesight turned out to be a tactical masterstroke. We were treated to a birdseye view as the superior numbers of his calvary flanked, then swarmed Stannis' lesser force of fewer soldiers.
It was all over in seconds, but that single hopeless moment was far more tense, gripping and exciting than the snorefest snow zombie battle from a few episodes back.
Elsewhere, in eye for an eye justice, Arya Stark was blinded by the light after disobeying the will of the Many-Faced God and Daenerys found herself back in Dothraki country.
There was the Walk of Shame to end all such walks and Myrcella's lingering kiss of death that should herald the start of yet another war on yet another front for House Lannister.
We also saw Qybern's success at playing Dr Frankenstein as his reanimated Mountain lumbered fearsomely onscreen, paving the way for a possible series-ending battle between snow zombies and Frankensteins...
So, season five then? There's no doubt it's been a wild and disturbing ride. But now that the dust has settled and the blood has dried I think it's all been worth it. At times it felt gratuitous or, even worse, unnecessary, but it all served to firmly establish this world as an incredibly violent and awfully unpleasant place to live. A place where bad things happen not just to good people, but to all people.
There's no justice for the wronged. There's no reward for being a good person. There's no comeuppance for those that deserve it. There's no happy ending. Good, bad, right, wrong, pious, evil... it really doesn't matter. The only thing you've got coming to you is pain, misery and death.
Bring on season six.
- Karl Puschmann (Still foolishly believes that one day he will actually sit down and read the books)
In terms of body count, the final of the fifth season of Game of Thrones surely outdid itself.
A whole army here. Major characters there. There were poisonings. A hanging. Multiple stabbings of multiple people in multiple locations.
There were trails of blood all the way from the sunny coast of Dorne to the wintry Castle Black to the brothels of Braavos and back.
And bloody footprints, too, on the streets of King's Landing as Cersei Lannister, locked up by city's high priest for her sins, confessed and then had to atone by walking the streets naked.
The procession was oddly Fellini-esque, part of an episode that was a spectacularly grim ending for what's been a grand, grim and sometimes stop-start season.
This series had spent much time getting its pieces into strategic positions on the board while ignoring others. And some big pieces were sacrificed in this gripping fiftieth episode of what's become the biggest television show on the planet.
Some like Stannis Baratheon were the architects of their own demise. Some, like Jon Snow just didn't see it coming but feared it might.
It was an episode which helped make up for any patchy momentum from earlier in the season and should keep fans both fervent and floating counting the months until next year's sixth season, which will fully depart from George R.R. Martin's books.
And come the next series, they also might be wondering: Is there anyone left to care about?
For this season finale certainly cut a big swathe through the headline cast while leaving others cast into the wilderness.
The most shocking death was, of course, Jon Snow.
He got a Caesar-like seeing-to by those under his command in the Night's Watch.
His killing was the show's most devious act, not just on him, but on viewers. The episode's pre-title recap had gone back to season one to remind that Snow's Uncle Benjen Stark had ridden north of the wall never to return. Forsooth! Maybe that flashback meant there was at last some good news for clan Stark!
At the end of the episode, Snow, who had quipped he was "the most hated man in Castle Black" was called outside with news of Benjen's survival.
But that was just a ruse and the Watch, which had objected to his detente with the Wildlings, lined up to stab him each uttering "For the Watch".
Snow bled out in the snow and actor Kit Harrington departed the series after being the nearest thing this show has had to a conventional leading man. He'll be missed. So will his lovely hair ... Read the full Game of Thrones finale review here.
- Russell Baillie (latter day convert to the show, hasn't read the books)
A theory: I've read the books and I'm not giving away any spoilers when I say Jon Snow will be just fine. Beric Dondarrion has died seven times and still roams around Westeros because Thoros of Myr has revived him each time with the help of old R'hllor, The Lord of Light himself. Melisandre, and all her training, surely she will know how to revive Jon since she just happens to be at Castle Black. I bet four Hot Pie potato tops on it.
Counter theory: if she had that power why didn't she stay with Stannis and revive him and his whole army? Damn it. Jon is screwed.
Counter counter theory: Stannis was a prick. Jon is dreamy.
Counter counter counter theory: Kit Harrington says he's not coming back.
Counter counter counter counter theory: Harrington is lying.
Sidenote to original theory: Wait, the Lord of Light can help bring people back to live but also needs human sacrifices? That's screwed.
Second sidenote: Where the hell was Ghost? Comes to the rescue for Sam but a total no show when Jon needs him.
New Theory: Ghost planned Jon's death. Was upset about not going to Hardhome. Will become new Lord Commander.
- Cameron McMillan (a Thrones trainspotter who can always be relied upon for up-to-date statistics and random factoids. He spent the time between seasons reading all the books)
For the past five years, there has been a large subset of Game Of Thrones viewers who knew exactly what was going to happen next, because they'd read all of George RR Martin's original books. They knew Ned would lose his head, knew the Red Wedding had the worst reception ever, and knew Jon Snow was going to be on the pointy end of some mutineers' blades.
But with the conclusion of the fifth season, the TV show has all but caught up with the books, and has already gone well past many of the novels' events, and all those smug book readers are just as much in the dark as anybody else.
The series has, of course, deviated hugely from the books already, with things like Sansa's story going to a totally different direction, while one of the biggest set-pieces of the entire series - the White Walkers' attack on Hardhome in episode eight - was all new to the show. Meanwhile, things that seemed like integral parts of the novel series - including the Kingsmoot on the Iron Islands, the saga of the fake Aegon and the startling appearance of Lady Stoneheart - have played no part in the Game of Thrones show. And with only a couple more seasons to go, they're unlikely to appear at all.
The latest finale did see some of those huge digressions snap back to the same events in the latest book, leaving Danearys surrounded by a Dothraki horde, Jon's dying at the hands of his brothers and Arya literally blinded by her own arrogance, just as they are in A Dance with Dragons, but offered few more hints of what was to come. (Although, come on, there is no way Jon is really dead for good.)
The TV show is its own beast, and still manages to do things the novels never could, such as showing the increasing grim resignation of Stannis as everything turned to crap around him and racing through the big climactic battle of Winterfell, but it is still following the basic shape of the books. Whether this will be the case next year, when it is likely the show will be revealing some very big secrets that have remained hidden in the novels for years, remains to be seen.
But not knowing what comes next is genuinely thrilling, and will make the next 10 months until season six begins all the longer.
- Robert Smith (has read every book, watched every episode, owns several T-shirts, and is still wondering why they call Tormund the Giantsbane.)
I started this episode with a piece of paper and a pen in front of me. I had heard there was going to be a body count bigger than an Expendables movie, and I wanted to document them for this very column.
Five minutes in, I was already losing track. Ten minutes in, my piece of paper resembled a two-year-old with ADD with a can of Coke, a biro and a scribble pad at hand. And after 20, I'd given up completely.
Yes, Mother's Mercy was an unrelentingly grim end to season five, with virtually every scene involving the downfall of one of this season's major players: Stannis Baratheon impaled by Brienne (yay!) against a tree; Ramsay's weirdo mistress pushed from a ledge by Theon (yay!), and, in the show's creepiest moment, a legless man put out of his misery while crawling from the battlefield (eww!).
And there was so much stabby stab stabbing I nearly sealed up the knife drawer. The sound effects guy was certainly put to good use this episode. "Hey Craig, Arya stabs this loser five times in the torso, then through both eyes, then in his back, then slits his throat. They all need to sound different. Cool? Cool."
But this definitely felt like more of a finale than previous seasons, which usually spend episode 10 wrapping up the major main events from episode nine. True, I didn't like this season's first three episodes which plodded along and didn't do much. But the final three have certainly made up for them.
But there are some major questions left wide open for season six: Will Jon Snow become a White Walker? Will Cersei wreak her revenge with The Mountain soldier zombie by her side? Will Keisha Castle-Hughes ever get to say anything else? Will Ghost elope with Ser Pounce? Will all of us here at Thoughts on Thrones return?
We will wait and see...
- Chris Schulz (only watches Game of Thrones for scenes involving the amazing Gwendoline Christie, aka Brienne of Tarth, aka the greatest woman on Earth)
- nzherald.co.nz
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