How we all reacted when Tofiga Fepulea'i confessed he had a crush on Blue Penguin. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
How we all reacted when Tofiga Fepulea'i confessed he had a crush on Blue Penguin. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
OPINION:
Does anyone else think the intro to The Masked Singer NZ feels strangely apocalyptic? If it makes you too feel like the end is near, unfortunately it's not.
We've made it to week 6, but there are still eight masked celebrities remaining in the competition. Tonight, just four of them face off on stage, with another set to lose their head.
And with so few performances in a 45-minute episode, you can tell producers are trying to fill in their time slot, as host Clint Randell asks the judging panel about their process when it comes to guessing who's behind the mask.
Cookie Monster from Kmart. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
"I listen to the clues and then they come out and they sing and then I try and fit the clues to the person in the costume," Sharyn Casey explains helpfully. Groundbreaking television.
Guest panellist Tofiga Fepulea'i is back tonight, alongside Casey, Anika Moa and James Roque. Moa is most excited to figure out who Bedazzled Unicorn is, and so are we.
But sadly we don't get to hear Unicorn's dulcet tones tonight. First up is the Kmart Cookie Monster himself, Magic Monster.
His heartfelt rendition of Lewis Capaldi's Bruises gets all the judges in the feels. Casey still thinks Monster is a rugby player, guessing Waisake Naholo. Roque reckons it's former All Blacks kicker Piri Weepu, while Moa throws away the clues and "goes with her heart", guessing Joseph Parker.
Will Fepulea'i continue on his quest to find David Tua? Not beneath this costume. He guesses it's Jerome Kaino.
The interpretive dance you perform for your family, not by their choice. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
Next up is Ruru Chick, who in my opinion looks more like a possum caught in the headlights. Her backup dancers are accessorised with flowing ribbons. It's giving: the dance you perform for your mum to convince her to let you have a sleepover.
Her rendition of Higher Love turns the stage into a dance party, getting the panellists up and out of their seats.
Is it Erin Simpson, who we all know can sing? Is it Green Party MP Chloe Swarbrick? Roque thinks he's cracked it, telling us it's none other than his bestie and fellow comedian Laura Daniel, who he saw that very morning. I wouldn't be surprised. Did I not ask in week one how long it would take before a Dancing With the Stars alum turned up?
The next masked celeb to take to the stage is Retro Robot. We can all agree he's not a professional singer, but he's got the confidence to sing Aretha Franklin's (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman so props to him.
Moa decides that Robot is also Joseph Parker. How can that be?
But Roque confidently guesses that it's former National Party leader Simon Bridges. Fepulea'i says it has to be Winston Peters, who has a "robot smile". I mean ... he's not wrong.
Fourthly and finally, it's the steampunk nightmare bird herself, Blue Penguin. She blows us away with her high notes singing Tennessee Whiskey.
Going off the clue that Penguin has webbed feet, Casey guesses it's radio host Bree Tomasel, who "has the most beautiful webbed feet I've ever seen". Feet, again?
Fepulea'i thinks he's "in love". "I never thought I'd have a crush on a penguin," he admits. I guarantee you whoever is behind that mask never thought they'd be performing karaoke in costume on a TV show, but here we are.
It's time for the audience vote. Host Randell reveals that Ruru Chick and Blue Penguin are safe and will stay in the competition to sing another day.
The panel decides to keep Magic Monster behind the mask, meaning it's Retro Robot's time to lose his paper plate head.
Simon Bridges feels like a natural woman. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
And it is Simon Bridges. I'm genuinely surprised - not that it's him, but that our judges got it right!
The former politician is pretty chuffed. "I've been compared to Sonny Bill Williams, Sam Cane, Joseph Parker. That is never gonna happen in the real world. This has been amazing!"
Bridges ends the night with a final serenade, maskless, and he truly hasn't looked this happy since that baby yak video. He is free. He is thriving. He Feels Like a Natural Woman.
In what other country do you get to see a former major political party leader don a goofy costume to sing and dance on stage? Certainly not Finland.
