NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Entertainment

The jokes Donald Trump banned for his Comedy Central Roast

news.com.au
12 Oct, 2016 09:30 AM3 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Donald Trump on stage at the Comedy Central Roast Of Donald Trump at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City in 2011. Photo / Getty Images

Donald Trump on stage at the Comedy Central Roast Of Donald Trump at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City in 2011. Photo / Getty Images

There was just one topic that was off limits when Donald Trump was roasted by a panel of celebrities back in 2011.

Stars including Larry King, Lisa Lampanelli, Marlee Matlin (interpreted by interpreter Jack Jason), Snoop Dogg and Jeff Ross took turns at hurling abuse at Donald Trump for the Comedy Central TV special.

But as Aaron Lee (who has written jokes for every Comedy Central Roast Special since 2005) revealed, "Each year, the 'roastee' has certain topics they declare off limits".

So what did Trump refuse to laugh about?

"The only thing we got from Trump was the request not to say he exaggerates his wealth," Lee wrote on li.st.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Donald Trump looks on as Snoop Dogg speaks at the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump. Photo / Getty Images
Donald Trump looks on as Snoop Dogg speaks at the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump. Photo / Getty Images

It's a claim backed up by comedian Ross, who not only roasted Trump during the TV special but has also been hired by the former Apprentice host to perform at private functions.

"You can make fun of his hair, his appearance, the fact that he could be our first orange American president, none of that bothers him," Ross said to Jimmy Kimmel in July.

"You could even make jokes about his family, he doesn't care. What hurts him is if you make fun of the fact that he has gone bankrupt in the past. That's the one thing that he's super sensitive about."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Trump's so sensitive about it in fact that he edited some of the jokes written for him to use at the roast to make himself sound even wealthier.

According to The Huffington Post, Trump requested a joke about how he lives in a "25,000 square-foot penthouse atop my solid-gold space station" be changed to a "50,000 square-foot penthouse".

Ross also recalled: "I remember the writers were sending him his jokes and one of them said, 'What's the difference between a wet squirrel and Donald Trump?' And the punchline was, 'A wet squirrel doesn't have $2 billion.'

"He wrote back and said, 'make it $10 billion'. And the writers wrote back and said, 'how about $4 billion?' It became a business negotiation and they settled on $7 billion."

Discover more

World

Megan McArdle: 5 types of voters, more or less loyal to Trump

11 Oct 07:36 PM
Entertainment

'Married woman' from Trump tape speaks

12 Oct 06:30 AM
Entertainment

Bad taste Kim Kardashian Halloween costume goes on sale

12 Oct 08:00 AM
Entertainment

Late-night comedians blast Trump's defense of lewd video

11 Oct 11:30 PM

It's not as if the celebrity roasters didn't have plenty of other things to mock Trump over though.

Seth MacFarlane was the Roast Master for the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump. Photo / Getty Images
Seth MacFarlane was the Roast Master for the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump. Photo / Getty Images

For proof, here are our five favourite lines from the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump:

"Donald, you're also responsible for that awful show The Apprentice. The worst part of that show is having to look at your face. Your face is so big and bloated with such a bad hairpiece, I'm surprised it's not married to Kelly Preston pretending not to be gay." - Whitney Cummings

"The Donald and I have a lot in common: We both live in New York, we both play golf, we both fantasise about his daughter." - Jeff Ross

Read more:
• Meet the Kiwi stuntman working on Meg
• Kiwi director takes on martial arts TV epic

"Tonight we honour a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune ... That man is Fred Trump, Donald's dad. That's right, for all his self-starter bullsh*t, he's basically Jaden Smith with a comb-over." - Seth MacFarlane

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"Donald, I'm not even sure if you're aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie Wall Street is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer." - Anthony Jeselnik

"Donald says he wants to run for president and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time you pushed a black family out of their home." - Snoop Dogg

Donald Trump Roast Best Bits (warning: excplicit language):

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Entertainment

Entertainment

'28 Years Later': Ralph Fiennes stars in new Danny Boyle horror film

23 Jun 08:25 AM
Entertainment

Johnny Depp has ‘empty-nest syndrome’

23 Jun 08:24 AM
Premium
Opinion

Disneyland Aotearoa: Is it a dream worth considering?

23 Jun 03:00 AM

Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Entertainment

'28 Years Later': Ralph Fiennes stars in new Danny Boyle horror film

'28 Years Later': Ralph Fiennes stars in new Danny Boyle horror film

23 Jun 08:25 AM

The film explores themes of survival and humanity during societal collapse.

Johnny Depp has ‘empty-nest syndrome’

Johnny Depp has ‘empty-nest syndrome’

23 Jun 08:24 AM
Premium
Disneyland Aotearoa: Is it a dream worth considering?

Disneyland Aotearoa: Is it a dream worth considering?

23 Jun 03:00 AM
British TV star says he's 'haemorrhaging money' running $30m NZ estate

British TV star says he's 'haemorrhaging money' running $30m NZ estate

21 Jun 10:53 PM
Why wallpaper works wonders
sponsored

Why wallpaper works wonders

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP