"I raise a point of order, Mr Speaker," huffed the MP for Hutt South. "I understood that bags, suitcases, or other man arrangements were not allowed to be brought into the House. I notice that Tau Henare appears to be carrying a handbag. My understanding is that those things are not allowed in here, even if they are brought in by boys."
The man bagged his manbag. Tau's tote was trashed. Henare responded: "If it is good enough for a female member of the House to bring a bag into the Chamber ..." To which Mallard retorted, "That's wrong too."
Actually Trev, technically it's not. There is nothing in the Speaker's Rulings about bags, but parliamentary sources say "the no-bags rule is an unwritten convention".
The dress code in the House stipulates "normal business attire" for men and women. Hats are okay, but not if they're adorned with logos. Eating or drinking a cup of tea is a no-no, but knitting, as made popular by Judith Tizard, is fine.
So, the MP for Te Atatu reacted by doing what any self-respecting fashion-plate pollie would do - he took it to the popular vote on Twitter.
"Wow, Trevor Mallard caught me with a bag in the house, told the speaker," Henare tweeted. "Yip the stuff that matters ay boys #Labourdead".
He drew style support from fellow Tory Melissa Lee, who chortled, "Trevor is just jealous that he has no style to carry off a manbag!"
Tau, a staunch Westie, evidently felt the need to rebrand his holdall and regain some macho cred. "It's not a manbag; it's a man's bag!"
Neither men answered The Diary's calls on the fashion fracas and the charges of carrying a handbag and a petty point.
Tweet as? Well, no
Labour bad boy Shane Jones finally joined Twitter on Wednesday and racked up more than 258 followers in a few hours. But the MP, famed for using his Crown credit card for porn and plonk, failed to, er, measure up.
Much had been expected of Jones' social media prowess. He is typically well endowed with one-liners and quips. Even Twitter taunter Judith Collins greeted him to the social media site saying she "welcomed the look of fear on your colleagues' faces".
She needn't have been so gleeful.
Jones' first tweet about recreational snapper fishing and government consultation failed to satisfy, drawing unsatisfied rumblings from followers who labelled it a bad case of performance anxiety.
Light view of dark side
Labour jokes you know your phone is being tapped when you're having a conversation and you hear the Prime Minister breathing. The Nats scoff that being watched is something the Labour Party dreams of - check out the polls. And Andrea Vance, whose phone records were accessed and movements tracked, wonders when the Parliamentary Service suddenly became her psycho ex-boyfriend.
The Government (via a chief of staff, inquiry boss and over-zealous contractor) has been accused of secretly gathering data on Vance. It's a huge scandal and it comes on the heels of the GCSB and Defence Force scandals.
Snooping and spying were taken to another mocking level on Wednesday when Twitter became the forum to create the best Kiwi spy films.
We bring you the top 12 contributions:
1 The Dunne Ultimatum (Rebecca Wright)
2 SkyCity Casino Royale (Simon Bradwell)
3 The Pie That Came in From the Cold (Winston Aldworth)
4 The Man Who Knew Tu Meke (Jeremy Corbett)
5 Goldcardfinger (Bevan Rapson)
6 The Day of the Jandal (Hamish Mack)
7 Levin and Let Die (Tim Watkin)
8 Dr Nah (Russell Baillie)
9 On Parliamentary Secret Service (Bill Ralston)
10 The Possom Bourne Legacy (Lorna Subritzky)
11 Dial V for Vance (Rebecca Wright)
12 For Your OIAs Only (Jane Clifton)
