Steve Braunias: Secret Diary of The Sack Mike Hosking Petition

The voices say, "How do you feel about Mike Hosking?" Photo / Supplied

Dan Wayman

At the end of the day I can't sleep, and I hear voices in my head.

The voices say, "Dan. Is that you, Dan?"

And I say, "Yes, this is Dan. What can I do for you?"

The voices say, "You must go out and rid the world of a great evil. It is incumbent upon you to slay the beast and release the people."

And I say, "I'm listening."

The voices say, "How do you feel about Mike Hosking?"

And I wave my fists in the dark, and say, "The fact that someone can appear on primetime TV and say things I don't like is deeply upsetting! It keeps me awake at night! And then I hear voices in my head, hence this conversation."

The voices say, "How would you feel about organising a petition to remove Mike Hosking from public broadcasting?"

And I leap out of bed and say, "Awesome idea. I'm on it. Because this isn't just about me. Think of the children! Will anyone think of the children? The show is broadcast at 7pm, a time when children might be exposed to his opinions. I find that deeply upsetting, too.

"You'd think I'd have better things to worry about," I continue raving. "I'm a lawyer, and I divide my time between New Zealand and Shanghai, where I work as a lawyer for the British Counsel. But look at me! I can't sleep, I can't think straight. I'm a mess."

The voices say, "Have you thought about staging a rally? You know - take it to the streets, march on parliament, close down Queen St, that sort of thing?"

And I sit down in the dark at the computer, and say, "No. It's winter, and people are busy. Easier to do an online petition. Plus it reaches more people. Such is the power of the internet! Behold my keyboard, and hear it roar!"

The voices say, "Hey, keep it down. You're kind of behaving like a troll."

And I say, "I'm not listening to you anymore. Go away. I'm busy. Look - 14,000 signatures already! Haha! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Liz Gunn

At the end of the day I have to come forward. I endorse this petition, and also wish to make a public statement on my Facebook page.

The year I did Breakfast with him, he went out of his way to undermine me. Every morning I would sit quietly in that darkened studio and say a whispered prayer asking for help.

"Help," I'd whisper. "Help. Help. I need help."

John Key

At the end of the day I think the majority of New Zealanders would agree with me that Mike Hosking is a guy who asks the hard questions.

He was around the other day, and said to me, "Red or white?"

He really put me on the spot. "Mate," I said, "mate, you choose."

But he just stood there with the corkscrew in his hand, and repeated the question.

I tried to laugh it off. He wasn't having it.

In the end he opened both, and I think that says a lot about Mike. He's decisive. He doesn't hold back, and the other thing I'd say about Mike is that he really makes himself at home.

Clare Curran

At the end of the day I think people wanting to sign the petition should take it a step further and complain to the Broadcasting Standards Authority.

As Labour's broadcasting spokesperson, I've studied Seven Sharp, and counted five areas that may have been breached - balance, fairness, accuracy, good taste and decency, and discrimination and denigration.

A ruling by the BSA on any of these matters could prove to be deeply disturbing for Mr Hosking!

Mike Hosking

At the end of the day, I go to bed, and sleep.