Spy: Relationship advice in Three’s Couples Therapy

Registered psychotherapist Amanda Cox. Photo / Supplied

Registered psychotherapist Amanda Cox is bringing relationship advice into the lounge when Three’s Couples Therapy New Zealand premieres on Wednesday.

The Auckland-based psychotherapist has been working in mental health for nearly 30 years and tells Spy she hopes the audience might see themselves in some of the five couples, and that it will be helpful in their own relationships.

The show producers sent an email through casting agents to NZ couple therapists to find Cox.

“I have had emails like this before, but this show was something I felt keen to be a part of,” she tells Spy.

“After several interviews, I was offered the position. After a lot of conversations — some reassuring, some not so reassuring — I chose to take the leap and I am pleased I did.”

Versions of the show have been made in America and Australia, offering a peek into the process of therapy. Both shows have been praised for not rubbernecking on people’s intimacy, like the standard fare of reality TV.

Cox says she was nervous about whether she would be able to settle into her work, and whether she would be distracted by the lights and cameras.

“Once I started with the couples, I found myself almost forgetting it was being filmed. All the cameras are hidden, and the therapy room has been set up to feel comfortable and authentic. I was fairly quickly able to just be with the couples.”

She says the five couples felt like couples that she would see in her private practice.

“The show was able to include a reasonable diversity of demographics and backgrounds, ages ranging from late 20s to late 60s, and all the couples have children.”

There are no group sessions, the show is exclusively couples’ therapy — two partners and one therapist in every session.

Cox says that the common thread with couples who have problems centres on how they communicate.

‘When an individual within the couple doesn’t feel heard or understood — this results in feeling hurt and often after time, withdrawing or withholding their love.

“Sometimes couples have very little experience in how to communicate well. On the show I do a lot of work getting the individuals to listen to the feelings the other is expressing and trying to encourage empathy with one another.”

Cox feels she made a good start with all the couples she saw on the show and they all learned something about themselves and their partners. However there were some she would have liked more time with.

“Often it takes time to learn about ourselves enough to change old patterns.”

Cox hopes the audience value the authenticity of the work she and the couples have done together and the bravery of each of them for being so exposed and vulnerable. She also hopes viewers might find the show helpful in their own relationships.