SnapChat: Eli Matthewson

Eli Matthewson performs in Exes, at the Basement Theatre March 5-8. Photo / Kate Little

My first job was ... a paper round in Wigram, Christchurch, where there was a magpie that would attack me every single afternoon. I was so terrified of it that I used to bring a tennis racquet with me and try and scare it away by waving it around. Don't worry – I didn't hit the bird, I just tried to scare it away.

It taught me … that magpies are not scared away by tennis racquets. I just started skipping that part of the street (don't tell anyone who works at the Christchurch Star who was wondering why Hurricane Way residents didn't get their papers in 2001).

My big break came … in my last year of university I got scouted doing stand-up and became a music TV presenter for TVNZ U. It was my absolute dream job, I'd always wanted to do it. I was living my Jaquie Brown/Clarke Gayford fantasy and everything was great ... until seven months after I started they shut down the whole channel and I was made redundant. So I went pretty quickly from my big break to being back on packet noodles for lunch.

The last job I quit was … running activities for kids' birthdays at Motat. I also used to sometimes play the school teacher in the classroom. There's a maze in the dark that kids can do there and at one point there was a code brown in there from an 8-year-old kid. I quit soon after.

The most famous person I've ever met is … I met Jack Gleeson in Edinburgh this year – he plays Joffrey in Game of Thrones. I normally embarrass myself in front of famous people, but I played it VERY cool. The main reason I played it so cool is because I've never actually watched Game of Thrones.

They were … a true legend and a big fan of comedy. I recommend hanging out with him - especially if you've never seen Game of Thrones.

The best time I've had on stage/set was … honestly, this just happened, but Chris Parker and I did two live shows of our podcast The Male Gayz and they were so much fun. I feel super lucky that I can just have a conversation with one of my best mates on a microphone and call it a show. When The Male Gayz was turned into a webseries (available now on TVNZ OnDemand) the shoot was ridiculous, we basically just let cameras roll while we talked for hours about whatever we wanted - and it cut together to make a show that is really funny and really watchable. Honestly. Put down the paper and watch it now.

But the worst was … one time I had to perform stand-up on a bus for a bunch of rich CEOs as they travelled from clay pigeon-shooting to a lavish dinner. There was no mic, and I had to try and stay standing at the front of the bus so everyone could see me. I was meant to do half an hour but they hit some bad traffic around Green Lane so I ended up doing almost two hours. At no point was I doing well. I bombed for two long hours on a moving bus.

My dream role would be … I'm still waiting to hear back from the self-tape I submitted in 2000 to play Harry Potter. Fingers crossed!

Eli Matthewson's new sketch show with Brynley Stent, Exes, is on at the Basement Theatre Studio, March 5-8