Now, let's examine some of the best - read: straight out bonkers - moments from the insanest ad campaign we've seen in a long time.
1. We're going to war
In The Block: Villa Wars, four teams of two compete to turn nice suburban homes that were trashed by producers back into nice suburban homes. Not this time. This is Cat, and she's smearing black paint across her face and arming herself with a hammer and mallet for a reason. This isn't a reality show; this, my friends, is war.
Apparently, The Block is set in a Mad Max-style future where a lack of water has turned everything to dust. This time, teams will be building underground bunkers designed to survive an apocalypse. At night, they'll head out into the desert and carve each other up with Black and Decker tools supplied by Bunnings while Mark Richardson commentates. It's like The Running Man NZ. If this is the case, I'm so in.
2. The cast is so much better looking than you and I
Okay, we get it TV3. Hotness is so, like, hot right now. And you've certainly delivered on that front. Every single member of the latest season of The Block is insanely good looking. Is this a reality show, or a themed photo shoot from the latest issue of Vogue magazine?
We give up. We can't compete. Our only hope is that Hamilton sisters Sarah and Minanne know their Phillips head from their flat heads and win this damn thing.
3. Is this The Block, or Breaking Bad?
When the homely mum next door heads over to meet her new neighbours, and to ask what the heck all that noise at 2am was about, she and her freshly baked pie are doused in a chemical cloud of blue smokedust after the door opens.
What could possibly make that kind of mess? I'll tell you what: methamphetamine. They're not renovating in there - they're cooking Walter White's blue meth. And pretty soon, Heisenberg will be here to take out the competition. Run, lady, run for your life! But maybe wait till you've stopped coughing and seeing flying zombie-dogs first.
4. What a waste of perfectly good cinder blocks
Smashing stuff sure is fun. Just look at all the good times Mitch is having with his mighty hammer while smashing up some cinder blocks. If you're a builder, it calms the nerves, it soothes the soul. It has the same effect as popping bubble wrap does for the rest of us.
But wait! Mitch - stop! Don't you know that there's many a student flat right now desperately waiting for a delivery of perfectly good cinder blocks? They need furniture, and these are perfect for that. From propping up couches with broken legs, to stacking them together to form shelves, and even laying the foundation for a coffee table, cinder blocks can be used for anything. Save a student; save those cinder blocks.
5. There's going to be wedding drama
The trailer makes a very big deal out of Jamie's blinging ring. Will there be some 'will they, won't they' relationship drama? Probably. Snore.
6. Don't take on this guy
Hayden is tough. Just look at him. He's not mucking about with lame sanders or stupid skill saws. His weapon of choice is a mammoth jackhammer - and he's not afraid to use it. Witness his power:
Steer clear of this guy. He's trouble. He's a one-man wrecking machine. If the new season of The Block really is a game of war, Mitch is like the Mad Max character tied to the top of a homemade truck while playing riffs from a flaming guitar. He lives, breathes it, and loves it. My money's on him.
- nzherald.co.nz
