When it first hit our screens in 2001, Big Brother was big news, largely because it was the first show of its kind we'd ever seen.
Before that, most reality series were based on competitions and talents; this was the first time we had sat enraptured in front of ourTVs, watching complete strangers sit around a random house in Australia.
At least, that's how I remember it; I don't remember the original housemates doing much more than bitching and bed-hopping.
Now, with Big Brother 2020, the game has changed - and yet it's still as boring as that first season should've been.
The first season got away with its nothingness due to sheer novelty, this latest incarnation has no such excuse. We've had 20 years of quality reality TV and, yet, BB2020's big change is to finally ditch the original Dutch format it was using and adopt the US format, which they've been using for two decades.
We watch housemates compete in physical and mental challenges. Photo / Supplied
What this amounts to is basically the original BB crossed with watered-down elements of Survivor; we watch people sitting around a house doing nothing, but we also watch them compete in physical and mental challenges and plot and scheme to kick each other out of the house.
The upside of a franchise like this running for as long as it has is that we get contestants like the first housemate, Kieran, who has been watching the show most of his life and is stoked to be living in a dream come true. A silly life dream, perhaps, but still just wonderfully wholesome to watch.
The downside is that we now expect so much more than we're getting.
The first episode's main driver is whether Kieran can successfully complete a bunch of tasks with each new housemate (like giving everyone a high five, massage and nickname).
There are plots and schemes to kick each other out of the house. Photo / Supplied
What was described as an "emotional roller coaster" was just housemate Angela thinking there was a spider on her and it turned out to be a piece of hair, and another major drama was Angela being so desperate for a cuppa she was brought to tears – multiple times.
One of the main story arcs so far is about a mean girl who is so threatened by another beautiful young woman that she goes on a vendetta against her like we really are back in 2001, and Angela subsequently kicking said queen bee to the kerb for her nasty behaviour.
Now that's a story I can get behind. I just wish it didn't take four episodes to get to, especially when I spent far too much of the second episode literally watching ice melt, and even more so when every episode is an hour and a half.
This isn't Game of Thrones, no one needs an hour and a half of a reality series, especially not three times a week. That's nearly five hours of amateur "strategising" and crying over tea that I could happily do without.
Many aspects of BB2020 feel worthy of follow-up but are not worth following along. Photo / Supplied
For that reason, I haven't watched past the fourth episode. Sorry. I have other things to do like watch Hamilton on Disney+ (10 out of 10, would recommend).
I do know, however, that these housemates were deep in the game when Covid-19 hit and inevitably became part of the show. This will no doubt make for some fascinating viewing, but I'm not sticking around to find out.
Many aspects of BB2020 - like Kieran's underdog arc and how the popular group will react to being taken down a notch - feel worthy of following up on, but are not worth following along.
It's the kind of show I might check in on a few weeks down the road to see what's what, but I also might not. And I definitely won't be tuning in three times a week.
* Big Brother Australia airs Sunday at 7pm and Monday and Tuesday at 7.30pm on Three.
