1. "The principal of a school I taught at would move out of his government-provided school house during the school holidays and let it out to holidaymakers. He moved into the Home Economics complex and slept in the sickbay."
2. "In the 70s aged 8 Ihad a primary school teacher who told us all that the Waimak had flooded and we all had to go home as our pets had drowned. As we were filing out in tears he called us back - 'only joking'. Another day the same teacher took away the ladder a pupil was standing on while the pupil was hanging something over the ceiling joist. The pupil was left hanging with his arms around the joist screaming until the teacher put the ladder back."
3. "Primary school in the 1960s. Primer three. Had my head under the raised desk lid when ... bang, teacher closed the lid down on my head. It wasn't violent but I decided to play possum as she walked back to the front of the class. She had her back to class, writing on the blackboard until some one called out that I hadn't moved. Panic, concern and apologetic utterings as she tried to revive me ... roused, rubbing my head and acting stunned. Sickbay resting until school out."
4. "My relief teacher, at a small Northland school in the 70s, had me and two other students mowing his overgrown lawn during school hours. Took us the best part of two weeks and we thought it was great! Now I know why I didn't pass School C."
Impressed the paper got such a good shot of those crims....
Joke reworked
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election." The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result." Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"
