What's the most calculated thing you've ever seen an animal do?
1. Two dogs, one seeing, one blind. The blind dog would chase the seeing dog around the backyard and the seeing dog would run dead on towards a tree and veer at the last second. The blindone didn't. Over and over. The first few times it's hard to believe. After a week, you begin to philosophise. After two weeks you close the drapes.
2. My little dog in high school wanted to get into my room, but the door was closed. He walked over to my mum, got her attention, then walked to the closed door. She didn't get it, so he walked down the hall to my parents' door, which was ajar. He pushed it further open, then came back and sat in front of my door. She let him in, and he peed on my dresser.
3. My brother's dog was taking her big stuffed bear with her around the house, with the saddest look. Every time she stopped, she would put the bear down, then lie with her head on top of it. Asked my brother, and he said he had to throw out a bunch of her toys because another dog had chewed them up. She was so upset that she was carrying her favourite bear everywhere to make sure nothing happened to it.
1. My Dad, named Dom, recently became a grandfather. He loves curry and so a colleague nicknamed him Poppadom.
2. I worked with a chap named Cunningham. We called him Crafty Pig.
3. I have a friend whose surname is Woodcock; he is affectionately known as Timber Tool.
4. My German first name is Hans. The kids at the school I worked at called me Fingers.
5. Our football team had a fullback surname of Poynton who wasn't very good. Naturally his nickname was Dissa.
6. Back in the '50s a man, whose name was Robert Sole, worked for my father. All his mates called him "R. Sole".
7. Years back I worked as a valet parking cars at a hotel and one of the valets was nicknamed Clutch. The reason being that he never learned to drive manual cars. Don't know how that didn't come up in the job interview!
8. Son of the local funeral directors had just started high school. When the kids found out what the family business was he was nicknamed Stiff.
"The painting on the wall featured in Sideswipe last week (Crimes against decor) is exactly what I have tattooed on my hands," writes a reader.
Good read: "Two bodies were found in Norway and the Netherlands wearing identical wetsuits. Police in three countries never managed to identify them. This is the story of who they were." Read The Wetsuitmen here.
