Sideswipe: October 5: Bag yourself some humanity

Unhappy shopper?

A reader writes: "I bought a little something for myself from a shop in Grey Lynn and was given this nifty bag, made out of newspaper, to take my purchase away in. I liked it and said as much. They were made in India, the assistant said. Probably bought for 10c per hundred I thought, feeling a little stink. Then I noticed the picture of the anguished women following a casket on the front of my bag and wondered what the headline said." (The headline reads something like, "The smaller the coffin, the heavier the burden" - Ed)

Whatever floats your goat

Business is booming for the founder of "Goat Yoga" - an outdoor regimen of relaxation carried out among her wandering goats at a place called No Regrets Farm in Albany, Oregon. "Do you know how hard it is to be sad and depressed when there are baby goats jumping around?" asked entrepreneur Lainey Morse, proudly noting that she is booked up right now, with a waiting list of 500. There is one problem though. Baby goats try to eat floral designs on yoga mats, so Morse will only permit mats of solid colours. (News of the Weird)

Unappetising electoral candidates

Analogy for an undecided voter: "I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of s*** with bits of broken glass in it?" To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked." (Undecided, by David Sedaris, The New Yorker)

Attempting a clothing reunion one puberty too late

A reader writes: "Spring cleaning my son's wardrobe I found a mystery high school jumper. Luckily a wise parent had written the name and phone number of the owner on the name tag. I rang and was told: 'Lewis is 26 years old now, he won't be needing it anymore'."

Mementoes you'd rather forget

"Beware of cheap tattoos while abroad," warns Peter. "I recently spotted on a burly tourist's shoulder in Thailand the Latin quote, 'Crape Diem'. I think its literal translation is 'have at least one toilet stop each day'."

by PrincePlatypus

Picture this #1:

Birds with human arms meme

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Picture this #2: Not all animals are photogenic. Just like humans there ae some who are decidedly not.

Video: In this sketch from Melbourne, Australia-based comedian Troy Kinne, a group of cavemen, who recently discovered sex, hold a meeting to brainstorm ideas on how to seduce women.

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Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz