Sideswipe: November 11: Appliance down!

Anthropomorphic vacuum cleaner: Drunk and can't even find her room.

Swallowing that bitter pill

When you're sad, so angry you could cry, or trying not to weep at the US election result, you've probably felt a big lump in your throat. According to clinical psychologist Ad Vingerhoets, it's all part of our natural fight-or-flight response to stress. "The glottis (middle of larynx) expands to allow more air in during the preparation for fight or flight." It has something to do with muscle tension and the glottis. The first theory is that when you try to swallow (a process that requires closing the glottis) against that expanded glottis, you're creating muscle tension, and thus discomfort. Theory number two is that the lump mainly occurs when "you're trying not to cry, which means you're trying to constrict the muscles in your throat while your glottis is trying to expand". (Via Mentalfloss.com)

Bad sex tips

1. Swaddle her (Men's Health)

"While you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms (think burrito or straitjacket)".

2. Not everything needs seasoning (Cosmo)

"Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose ... sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects."

3. Lick her palm while in public (Men's Health)

"If you're out in public but want to make your intentions clear, slowly and firmly flick your tongue against the palm of her hand. If she just wipes it off down her skirt, you've blown it."

4. Hands as ECG (Cosmo)

"Since heart rate speeds up ... if you stay hand-to-heart connected while you do it, you'll feel how wild you're driving each other."

5. Bedazzling (Cosmo)

"Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in."

You're fired: Ode to a President-elect

Updated lyrics to Billy Joel's 1980s tune We Didn't Start the Fire:

Mitt Romney, Kanye West, Kim Jong Un, riot fest
Black lives matter, Harry Caray, Kim Kardashian
Mitch McConnell, Hill'ry Clinton, superpred'tor, class division
North Korea, South Korea, Vladimir Putin
Robertsons, pay for play, Billy Bush, Harambe
Cubs win, the Trump and I, and the Bernie dream did die
Glass ceilings, 3-1 lead, grab 'em by the pussy
Immigration, Obamacare, presidency goodbye
We didn't start the fire, it was always burning, since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire, no we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.>

(by Nickm56 on Reddit) Original lyrics here.

This mess-up could easily have been prevented

(Posted on b3ta.com by user Rafi)

Quick clip: This man was keen to have a few drinks and maybe get himself on the telly on election night TV, then he really wishes he hadn't succeeded ...

Video: Talking to your voice controlled devices is like chatting to a mate for some... but can it tell a good joke? David Chen asks his Google Home (like Siri on iPhones) to tell him one... and another one, and another one and another one for 15 minutes of groaners.

Video: Maybe it's time for a little Christmas spirit? No? It's never to soon to start the build, surely? Here's the traditional festive ad for British department store chain John Lewis...

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Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz