Bogus beach bombshell.
Narky narcissists
A recent study has sent shockwaves through the transport world, as 54 per cent of narcissists said they were giving up Audis in favour of electric scooters. The University of Croydon's Sociology Department did the study after anecdotal evidence that oblivious idiots whizzing along the footpath were even
more loathed than people who think a German brand is a substitute for a personality. Professor Amanda Tinnock said: "We often assume that a multiple property landlord in an Audi is the purest personification of an irredeemable person. But the way our cities have been swamped by knobs has changed that. Unlike Audi drivers, these arrogant road users can access whole new areas like parks or pedestrian zones. However, many Audi drivers, such as tanning salon manager Simon Williams, claim scooters are a passing fad. He said, 'Scooter riders are fair weather tosspots. Whereas come rain or shine, I am out there in my A4, cutting people off, tailgating anyone in front of me, using high beams and parking wherever I want. Scooters will go the way of the bluetooth earpiece. We all thought those were the be-all and end-all of twattishness and where are they now? People will forget about scooters but Audi drivers will have people gesturing at us for decades to come'." (Source: Newsthump)
Pets behaving badly...
"Years ago when we were young and poor we rented in upmarket Mission Bay. Unfortunately two of our pets took a liking to one of our neighbours' very posh houses and we were phoned one night — while they were having a dinner party — to say 'your cat has sprayed my velvet curtains and it reeks!' This mortifying incident was followed two weeks later with the same neighbour on our doorstep with a piece of white butcher paper demanding a huge amount of money because our dog had grabbed her large piece of eye fillet steak off the bench and run off with the whole thing."
Who knew watermelons had loins?
