Sideswipe: July 27: Confess your sins anon

1. "I'm a train driver in the UK and every time I go past a golf course and someone is teeing off, I toot the horn to test their concentration levels."

2. "The 'breaking news' alert on my phone gives me massive anxiety. When it goes off I'm like 'what's gone wrong now?' It gives me heart palpitations and a pain in my jaw."

3. "My husband's drinking started really annoying me, so I added yellow food dye to his shower gel. A week later he gave up drinking and went on a health kick."

4. "Wife has gone away for a couple of days. Put the dishwasher on even though it was barely half full. Felt amazing."

5. "I carry two cooked sausages in a poo bag when I take the dog out. When the dog poos I pretend to pick it up but never do. Never have. Anyone says anything and I point to the bag pretending it's poo. After walkies me and the dog have a sausage each."

6. "I was walking home from town once and came across the most beautiful bouquet of flowers left by the side of the road. It seemed such a pity to leave them there, so I took them home, where my daughter kindly pointed out that I'd taken them from the scene of a fatal accident."

7. "When our daughter was little she'd try to get my husband's attention by calling him by his first name. It often came out as fatprick instead of Patrick. I rarely corrected her."

(Via @fesshole on Twitter)

Do your kids measure up?

Questionable moments in Barbie history

In 1965, Mattel created Slumber Party Barbie, who came not with boxes of pizza and a Ouija board but a bunch of hairstyling tools, a scale permanently displaying 110lbs (49.8kg), and a book of diet advice that only said "Don't eat!". Skipper was also introduced in the mid 60s, but Mattel released the Growing Up Skipper doll, which could grow taller and bigger boobed when her arm was twisted. In 1992, Mattel released the Teen Talk Barbie, which spoke hundreds of prerecorded, stereotypically feminine sentences like, "Will we ever have enough clothes?" and "Want to go shopping?". They also had "math class is tough," which Mattel removed after a backlash. Even in 2014 she was not getting it right. Barbie decided she was done apologising for setting feminism back by posing for Sport's Illustrated's "Unapologetic" advertising campaign. Yes, the actual doll.