Sideswipe: July 16: Too much realism for a cake

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The Yawning Groom

A young Belgian, named Deneck, was engaged to Celeste Voison, the pretty daughter of a Bethune peasant, and the wedding was fixed at the mayor's office. Relatives and guests assembled, and the pair stood side by side before the mayor.

When, however, the mayor was about to pronounce the words that would have made them man and wife, Deneck yawned. The mayor had never seen a would-be bridegroom yawn, and he stopped the service. Deneck yawned again, and angry whispers were heard among the relatives. Then Deneck relieves the tension. "I have thought better of it," he said. "And I do not think I want to marry at all." Then he started to leave. But he had reckoned without the Voison family. Celeste rushed after him, and smote him in the ear with all the force of her dimpled fists. Her three brothers followed suit, and pummelled the recalcitrant lover until he shrieked for mercy, and pleaded to be allowed to marry the girl. Finally he was rescued by the mayor and his clerk, and taken to hospital. He is now taking proceedings against the Voison family. (From the Evening Express, June 22, 1905.)

Early clocks

A common one, first described in China about 520 AD, uses candles that burn evenly. By marking the drop in the wick, users could note the passage of time. To make this candle clock into an alarm clock, place nails into the candle. When the wax around a nail melts, the nail falls into a metal tray, clattering noisily, and hopefully getting the attention of the user.

Marrying well

1. I went to lunch with friends and saw my husband at the restaurant. I was going to say hi but he was staring at his phone, so I watched him. He was smiling. He typed. Then my phone dinged. And it was a video he forwarded of a dog wrestling a water hose. This is love.
2. My wife just pulled me into another room and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk but she just wanted to give me M&Ms without the kids seeing.
3. Some years back my wife and I got into the habit of asking each other "Do you want comfort or solutions?" when the other was upset over something. Saved us from an argument 9/10 times.

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