Sideswipe: January 31: Dressing gown relief

A Northern Ireland motorist breathed a sigh of relief this week when the leopard they thought they had driven over turned out to be a women's dressing gown, lost (somehow) on the school run.

Cooking fails ...

1. One day I was sitting on the couch and I heard a slapping sound coming from the kitchen. I went in and saw my friend slapping a raw chicken. I asked what he was doing and he explained the recipe said to pat the chicken dry. I told him he's supposed to use a towel, so he went and got a bath towel.

2. Man asked me out and offered to cook dinner. When I arrived at his place he put raw chicken and raw shrimp in the microwave then proceeded to serve them to me on a paper plate. Just me. He wasn't planning to eat because he "wasn't hungry". Neither was I.

3. I dated a woman who was excited to make her "famous mashed potatoes" for me. They were literally just boiled and mashed — no other ingredients whatsoever, and nothing to bind them together. It was a pile of obliterated carbs.

(via @cottoncandaddy)

Not too switched on

Officials in the French city of Roubaix recently revealed that the 187 photovoltaic panels that were supposed to generate green electricity for the local library had been installed six months ago but were not connected to the building's electrical grid. In June of 2019, the city of Roubaix announced with great fanfare that it had acquired 187 solar panels meant to generate part of the electricity required by the local library. The panels were installed at a cost of €103,000 ($113,000), but somehow everyone forgot to actually connect them to the library's electrical grid, which means that for six months the panels didn't produce any of the electricity consumed by the Roubaix library. (Via Oddity Central)

Mis-heard furniture items. Photo / Supplied

Not too switched on

Q: What does "starch your engines" mean? Never really understood the phrase and I need to know.

A: It's start my friend.

Q: Ah. Contextually that makes a lot more sense.