Sideswipe: January 11: Resort by another name

Photo / Supplied

"I have a sign across my front gate that says 'Last Resort'," writes Mark Rowse of deepest Hokianga. "Friday afternoon I heard a car stop in my drive. I wandered down to see why and there were two youngish woman having a chuckle at something. I waved and went back to my coffee. Next day I noticed a taro leaf had changed the whole meaning of the sign. I guess the young ladies chuckled even harder when a 70-year-old man walked down the drive."

Furniture store pulls chair out from customer

"We went to a well-known furniture store to buy a chair during its '30 per cent off' week," writes Warwick. "The chair was out of stock so we placed an order. Chair was delivered a month later, but the store wouldn't give us the 30 per cent off because the discount only applied for that week. The manager refused to even discuss the issue or even give us a 10 per cent discount for waiting a month - we've never been back. Don't believe the advertising, it's actual service that counts."

Millennial bores can hark back too

What will be the millennials' "back in my day, I had to walk 20 miles uphill both ways in the snow to school every day" be?

1. If anyone made a phone call I would lose the internet.

2. You had to feed your Tomagatchi every day or it DIED.

3. We used to have to Ask Jeeves before we could ask Siri.

4. Without a smartphone, I had to read the shampoo bottle while I was on the toilet.

5. We used to all share a single phone. 'What if I wanted to call a girl I liked' you say? Well I had to call her home and ask her parents to speak to her if they answered.

6. I remember spending whole afternoons sitting in front of my stereo making mix tapes from songs of the radio by hitting record at the exact moment a new song would come on, and if I didn't like the song I'd stop recording and spend the rest of the time before the next song came on getting the tape rewound to the right spot before repeating the process (infuriatingly the DJ would often talk over the first part of the song, or cut it short).

7. We had to listen to other people's opinions that we didn't agree with.
(Source: Reddit)

Sign on the fence of a retirement village in Nailsea, Somerset, writes Richard. "I am still not sure what they are referring to!"

Lanterns light up Heaphy

"Agree about the lanterns," writes a reader. "They should be banned. I saw a late-middle aged woman [from Auckland] release one on the Heaphy Track at New Year. Of course it blew straight towards the bush. Fortunately, as it does on the West Coast, it promptly rained for the next 10 hours."

Back to work guidance.

Picture this: Guy photographs his Dad's extensive booze collection (144 bottles). Plenty of familiar tipples in there, but can't see any Purple Death.

Incase you missed it: Nice satire from Denis Welch who explains some terms you may have encountered in 2016, but haven't quite got a handle on, like Affordable housing: Ever-shifting mirage that recedes the closer you get to it; in some eastern religions, the 19th stage of nirvana, attainable only by God knows who" and "Bennetticiary: One who climbs a ladder provided by the state and then lops off every second rung to make it harder for others to climb." Read the full list here.

Video: The real meaning behind 22 commonly misused emojis...

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz