Sideswipe: December 29: Misleading description of contents

Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·

28 Dec, 2022 04:00 PM2 mins to read

Peas and carrots, but mostly peas.

Two moons

“When I was little, like about 8, I was lying in bed looking out my window at the moon and suddenly I saw two moons,” shares Lana. “It freaked me out so I went to my mum, asking her if this was bad and she said, ‘No, that’s normal’, and sent me back to bed.

“Well, fast forward to me at about 17, I went to the eye doctor with my mom to get my prescription updated. To keep it short, I told the doctor I saw two sets of letters, and he looks at my eyes closer and tells me I have a lazy eye, and that it’s not normal.

“So my mum, who’s right there, goes, ‘That’s not normal? I thought everyone saw double’. And the doctor was just like, ‘No’. Turns out my mum had the same eye situation, but it was never addressed so she just figured everyone had it.”

A shower accessory for a home with daughters

Bad fiction awards

The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest calls for entrants to “compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels”. This was a dishonourable mention in the Vile Pun section. “Whenever Elvis graced the bar stools at the steakhouse, he never failed to order a rare steak, bordering raw, and oozing greasily at the edges; and during the interviews after the musician’s untimely death, none of the waiters could deny that he loved meat tender.” (Leah Dagenbach, Loveland, Ohio)

Kids, do not try this at home

“When I was younger, I deliberately swallowed a 5p coin just to see how long it would take to travel through my body. Hearing it chink against the toilet basin was utter fulfilment.”