Brutally honest dating profiles
1. Married father of two. Not looking to cheat but if you want to make me feel like you totally would that'd be great. Will waste all of your time.
2. I am the penultimate girlfriend. Date me for at least six months and whoever you go out with next will seem so awesome that you'll marry her, have two kids, buy a nice house and live happily ever after. Guaranteed results, multiple testimonials available.
3. Dating is an inherently pointless mechanism of trial and error designed to expose you to multitudes of emotions, most of which aren't enjoyable nor experimental, most of which you don't have to experience but are societally told you must, most of which irritate my bowels. So does coffee. Let's get coffee.
4. I'm doing this online dating thing because I'm kinda lonely, a little horny, but mostly ambivalent about dating. So chances are that unless you're really hot or just generally out of my league, I'll probably just flirt with you a little online then lose interest.
