NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • Deloitte Fast 50
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Entertainment

Sideswipe: August 14: Possibly a knock off

Ana Samways
By Ana Samways
Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·
13 Aug, 2018 05:00 PM2 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save
    Share this article
Photo / Supplied
Photo / Supplied

Photo / Supplied

Ana Samways
Opinion by Ana SamwaysLearn more

Flubbed small talk

1. "In July 1987, on the eve of the first Lotto draw, two long lines had formed at the Lotto agency in Howick and spilled onto the pavement outside," writes Kay. "At the front of one line was an employee of mine. I called to her and asked, "What would you do with the money if you won first prize?" To which she replied in a similar loud voice, "I'd go straight to Honolulu and buy a condom!"

2. "When talking to a client about a potential job we started chatting about what we were doing on our Christmas holiday. I told her I was spending mine at a popular beach area. She asked me if I like to fish. Getting a bit confused on whether the phrase was 'dossing down' or 'dossing off' I somehow came up with, 'Not really, I just like to toss off on the beach'. I didn't get that job."

Bruce Dunlop doesn't know how he this capsicum so irate. Maybe it was something to do with chopping it in half?
Bruce Dunlop doesn't know how he this capsicum so irate. Maybe it was something to do with chopping it in half?

The other half overheard

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The Twitter account @Highgatemums shares overheard one-liners from ladies who lunch in one of the poshest 'burbs in London

1. "Darling, don't scrape your chair. It makes your presence over-known."

2. "School hours are designed for the convenience of the teachers and pupils and frankly nobody else. Nobody else AT ALL."

3. "How can they really claim poverty when they have a television? Or carpets?"

4. "There's a sadness in his eyes. I'm sure it comes from an awareness that he'll have to intellectually leave his friends behind."

5. "He gets annoyed that nobody realises 'Jack' is short for 'Jacobean'."

Driving down Onewa Rd in Auckland, at a certain point in the road the Z petrol station morphs into a church.
Driving down Onewa Rd in Auckland, at a certain point in the road the Z petrol station morphs into a church.

Discover more

Opinion

Sideswipe: Punctuation matters

07 Aug 05:00 PM
Opinion

Sideswipe: Hypocritical parking enforcement

08 Aug 05:00 PM
Opinion

Sideswipe: August 10: Too much Masterchef?

09 Aug 05:00 PM
Opinion

Sideswipe: A letter to The Queen

12 Aug 05:00 PM
Save
    Share this article

Latest from Entertainment

Entertainment

'If you're not growing, you're dying': How a Kiwi musician turned struggles into a message of strength

Entertainment

Bafta-winning actor charged with raping woman

Talanoa

'Thank you for leading the way' - ‘Fiji’ Veikoso remembered as the voice that changed the game


Sponsored

Sponsored: 50 shades of beige

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Recommended for you

Search resumes for missing West Coast tramper with storied past
New Zealand

Search resumes for missing West Coast tramper with storied past

Bafta-winning actor charged with raping woman
Entertainment

Bafta-winning actor charged with raping woman

Murderer Julia Deluney's diaries: Bible verses, cryptocurrency and future plans
Wellington

Murderer Julia Deluney's diaries: Bible verses, cryptocurrency and future plans

'Required to arrest': Inside police's new retail-crime patrols
Hawkes Bay Today

'Required to arrest': Inside police's new retail-crime patrols

The challenge Scott Dixon faces in IndyCar title race
Motorsport

The challenge Scott Dixon faces in IndyCar title race

School roof collapse kills seven children, injures 26 in India
World

School roof collapse kills seven children, injures 26 in India



Latest from Entertainment

'If you're not growing, you're dying': How a Kiwi musician turned struggles into a message of strength
Entertainment

'If you're not growing, you're dying': How a Kiwi musician turned struggles into a message of strength

Emma G had 24 brain surgeries by age 10. Now, she's helping mental health through music.

25 Jul 09:00 PM
Bafta-winning actor charged with raping woman
Entertainment

Bafta-winning actor charged with raping woman

25 Jul 08:34 PM
'Thank you for leading the way' - ‘Fiji’ Veikoso remembered as the voice that changed the game
Talanoa

'Thank you for leading the way' - ‘Fiji’ Veikoso remembered as the voice that changed the game

25 Jul 03:58 AM


Sponsored: 50 shades of beige
Sponsored

Sponsored: 50 shades of beige

21 Jul 07:08 AM

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP
search by queryly Advanced Search