Scott Kara: Stars who should quit

Ke$ha, please give up your day job, you're setting a bad example to our children. Photo / AP

Now that the world can breathe a sigh of relief that Kylie Minogue isn't giving up music to resume her acting career, it got me thinking. It really would have been a shame to see the back of Kylie - especially when she's wearing those famous hot pants of hers - because there are many other musicians who should throw it in for the sake of the world's aural sustainability instead of her.

And, in no particular order, here are five of them ...

Ke$ha
For setting a bad example to our children

No, I'm not being a boring grown-up. But have you watched the vexing vixen's latest video for C'mon? It's like, so literal it's, like, lame, as she goes from being a bored waitress to a flirtatious busty beatnik on a psychedelic 70s drug trip. Again, I want to point out I'm not an adult killjoy - it's just that it's so contrived. And be warned, it's safer to watch the video with the sound off because her nasally auto-tuned whine takes it to a whole new level of brainless, with "tiger" rhymed with "Budweiser" and lines like, "I don't wanna go to sleep, I wanna stay up all night, I wanna just screw around".

Andre Rieu
For crimes against classical music

The mega-selling Dutch, er, maestro, is coming to New Zealand later in the year so you can see for yourself what this man does to classics such as Bolero and Nessun Dorma. Now, I admit I haven't seen Rieu live in all his flashy and garish glory, but watching him on YouTube the general feeling you get is that it's processed at best and ghastly at its worst. Then there's the small matter of many reviews using the word "abomination" to describe his orchestra's renditions of famous songs. But go see for yourself at Vector Arena on October 25, if you dare.

One Direction
For being so young and rich

Never fear, young girls of the world, I'm not banishing these British lads to the scrap-heap just yet because after their 15-or-so months of fame (and following the group's shows here in October, perhaps) I think it's time for Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis to pack it in and make movies. The big question is, are there enough parts to go round for the British boy-band sensation? Probably not. Oh well, Taylor Swift's on-again, off-again beau Harry is sure to get a part - as for the others, well, there's still plenty of time for them to do a hairdressing apprenticeship or something.

John Mayer
For being so bloody ineffectual

And he thinks he's so cool, too, and we all know you can't write simpering singer-songwriter music and be cool. You have to write gut-wrenching and passionate tunes to reach that status, and I'm sorry but songs like Your Body is a Wonderland are far from that. That Grammy-winning song is just wimpy. He's rumoured to be romantically linked to Katy Perry. All I can say is, don't do it Katy.

Kid Rock
For continuing to give 90s music a bad name

The rap-rocker was one of the leading lights of the late 1990s rap-rock movement following his album Devil Without a Cause, from 1998. Like much of the music from this particularly bad era of rock, it was very much a product of its time. So why, 15 years on, does the Mitt Romney-supporting Kid continue to pop up on the musical radar?

He should take some advice from Mitt and concede defeat.

- TimeOut